


Vyrian's Journal | Austral 1

by The_Eldritch_IT_Gay



Category: Austral-1
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Drug Use, English isn't my first language I'm sorry, Honestly if you think of almost any character Vyr has most likely slept with them, Multi, Self-Harm, Sex in an altered state, Soul Selling, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, Vyr kills people but it's okay because we love them anyways
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:06:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 23
Words: 26,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay/pseuds/The_Eldritch_IT_Gay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I needed a place to keep my Austral-1 journals in chronological order, so here we are.</p>
<p>A reserved priest named Vyrian finds themselves in the middle of the desert with hardy any memory of before. Decide to keep a journal, which is has turned into a record of their descent back into hell. Join Vyr as they endure the burden of their secrets, and struggle to keep their mortality and morality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Night

My name is Vyrian. Leader of the Wyvern Clan. A once feared clan, but no longer. I am the last of the Wyvern Clan.

Today, I found myself in the middle of a desert. Sand as far as the eye can see. No signs of civilization, the only living thing thing being me and the cacti. I had none of my gear. No food, no resources, no armor, none of my magic.

I started heading East, hoping to find an end to this desert. I walked until night fell, and I was no closer to the edge of the vast desert. As the moon began to rise, it was blood red. Panic set in as a realized I had no protection from the onslaught of monsters. I began running, searching for shelter. Something, anything. But having spent a day walking, I was tired, weak, and starving.

Arrows started flying, some whizzing past, while many hit me. I couldn’t stop to assess the damage, I had to keep going. Spiders with eyes as red as the moon began closing in. I saw skeletons, zombies, creepers, and some monsters I had never seen before. They were everywhere, there was no escape.

In the distance, I saw a light. I tried running towards it but I was to tired and hungry to run. Going as fast as I could, I headed towards it. An arrow to the leg knocked my to the side, straight into a hoard of zombies. The damage I had taken was beginning to be worrying. But I couldn’t give up yet. Climbing over a dune, I did my best to hop the wall of the village. I landed hard, taking more damage.

Limping through the streets, I looked for anyone in the village. It was completely abandoned. Searching around, I found a small overgrown farm. Desperate for food, I clawed up potatoes and carrots. I didn’t not even bothering to cook them before scarfing them down. I trudged through the streets, looking for a place secure enough to stay the night.

Suddenly, there was a hissing from behind my back. Before I could turn around, an explosion knocked me back. The force of it knocking me into a deep cave. I couldn’t climb out of it, I had no choice but to go down.

For a moment, the cave seemed a blissful respite from the blood moon. But turning a corner I found myself face to face with a skeleton armed with a powerful crossbow. I immediately ran, if a bolt hit me, I wouldn’t stand a chance. A bolt flew past as I darted around a corner. Breaking off pieces of wood from a mine shaft, I made a thin barricade. Looking forward, instead of a mineshaft, I saw solid stone. I was blocked in. Gasping for air, I curled up in the corner, back against the cold stone.

Tears streamed down my face as I realized I was stuck. Even if the sun rose, the sunlight wouldn’t reach this low in the mines. I couldn’t fight off the monsters. I couldn’t make my way back up. I couldn’t survive down here with my current injuries. Game over. I was a goner.

Pulling myself together, I broke off more wood, creating an arbitrary pickaxe. I knew there was only one way I would make it out alive. With one last prayer, I began digging straight up.

It took hours, climbing over jagged stones upward, mining a small hole to fit through. Eventually, sand began falling down from above, throwing myself to the side. I narrowly managed to avoid the falling sand. And from above, I could see daylight. Climbing upwards, I finally breached the surface. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, I was thankful it was over.

I looked to the sky, to see the sun setting once more. I pulled myself up, planning on grabbing some cactus fruit before nightfall. Until I saw something that made my heart stop.

The moon that was rising was blood red.


	2. Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd person POV

_Day 8_

_After a week of wandering, I’ve found a small lake. I will build a base here. The lake is small, but hopefully it will keep the monsters at bay._

_The house I have built is in the middle of the lake, and takes up most of the area. I might need to expand the lake or find a new tactic._

* * *

_Day 9_

_It’s seems I may have misjudged the area’s safety…_

_But on the bright side, I have a reason to brush up on my first aid now._

* * *

_Day 10_

_The amount of monsters here is terrifying, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this many…_

* * *

_Day 12_

_The main house’s construction is finished, but it’s far from safe. I haven’t been able to sleep, it’s too dangerous to let my guard down._

_Monsters still congregate outside the door where the sunlight doesn’t hurt them._

* * *

_Day 13_

_I’ve decided to expand the lake’s boundaries and deepen the current lake. With the new area I will be able to make more buildings._

_I’ll need to make nicer tool than the ones I currently have. Possibly I can trek back to the Erdspell compound for some supplies._

* * *

_Day 16_

_The food has run out._

_With all the blood moons I haven’t had much time to gather seeds…_

* * *

_Day 21_

_Most of the lake expansion is complete._

_Nyx has given me boots that keep my above waist height in the water. This has proved useful. I need to thank her sometime._

* * *

_Day 26_

_There will be 6 buildings when construction is complete._

_All of them are Japanese style, and there will be a temple in the back._

* * *

_Day 29_

_I’ve taken to going to nearby villages for food. Many villages have lost most of their population to the monsters and blood moon._

_Some warn of vampires.  Interesting._

* * *

_Day 39_

_I try to keep some dignity and morals. I try not to kill for supplies and food. I only take enough to sustain myself for a few days._

_I try to trade with the villagers. They are kind enough to give me some supplies._

* * *

_Day 45_

_I-_

_It’s become harder to control._

_I used to be able to control it, or at least keep it from consuming me, but now…._

* * *

_Day 57_

_What is it about this place-This place plagued with blood moons and monsters._

_Here it is so hard to control it, I can already feel myself slipping during the blood moons._

* * *

_Day 63_

_I’m still trying to control it, I fear what would happen if I let it take control._

_I doubt anyone suspects anything, perhaps I seem more on edge, but anyone would in this world. I worry what might happen if they discover the truth…_

* * *

_Day-_

 

Their hand shook. They didn’t want to record what had happened. They didn’t want to talk about it or relive it.

Standing up with a sigh, they walked to the edge of the temple’s platform. They sat on the edge, letting their feet dip into the water. Swirls of red clouds tainted the water as their feet touched the water.

 _I shouldn’t be in the temple,_ they thought solemnly. _My blood and presence are staining the place with impurity._

They looked at their bloody hands and clothes with disgust.

Pulling off their clothes, the plunged into the water. The blood covering their body stained the water around them. When they stood still, they could see their reflection in the water. It made them cringe.

_What have I become?_

They looked up at the temple behind them. The candles cast flickering shadows in the dying sunlight.

 _I don’t want to record this. I don’t want to record my decent. Let these secrets die with me_.

They closed their eyes, dunking their head underneath the water. Trying to clean their blood matted hair.

_No._

They surfaced, opening their eyes.

_I need to record this._

Pulling themselves out of the water, they dried off and pulled on some clothes. They walked into the temple, grabbing their journal and quill.

 

_“If you’re reading this, I apologize. But it’s time for me to be straight with you._

_I own a temple, I’m a priest by technicalities. But the term doesn’t quite fit. I prefer just being called a mage.”_

 

They paused.

 

_“Most people don’t think I’m the type of person who would be religious, let alone own a temple. But I wanted to change my fate. I didn’t want to be so evil. But with what I am, I feel this might be redundant._

_But I don’t want to be a monster._

_I don’t want to be an abomination._

_And I thought I could change that._

_But now I realize, all the rituals in the world can’t change what I am._

_I realize I may have just made things worse._

_I gave up with trying a while ago, but in this world…._

_But in this world, after hiding in your small base in the dark while monsters are beating down your door._

_You’d do anything to make it stop._

_In this world I can’t control my true nature._

_It started to show once more on the first night, on the first blood moon.”_

 

They thought for a moment, watching the sunset. Wondering about how much they wanted to disclose.

 

_“A blood moon._

_When the monsters come out._

_Now dear reader, what do you think a monster is?_

_The zombies and skeletons and spiders that plague this world?_

_The cruel people who kill you and loot your corpse with a grin?”_

As the moon rose. red light flooded the temple.

_“Some call themselves a monster when they’ve committed horrendous acts,_

_Some call themselves a monster when they look scary and disfigured.”_

They could feel themselves slipping again.

Their infernal instincts overpowering their mortal ones.

_“I can assure you reader, I am neither of those things._

_I am not a monster because of what I think of myself._

_I’m a monster because of the blood running through my veins._

_I’m a monster because of the what I am.”_

 

They could hear monsters entering the compound. They itched to grab their blade and spill blood.

 

_“But don’t worry. If you find yourself at my buisness end, you might enjoy yourself. Most everyone does._

_I wish I could say it’s not personal- it’s just business, but in my line of work, well. Everything gets personal. In my line of work it helps to know you intimately.”_

 

The moon was high in the sky now. They needed to finish up if they wanted time to enjoy the blood moon. They smirked as they completed the entry. Once done, they stood up, grabbing their blade.

After a second, they grabbed their riding crop for luck.

They left their jornal open as they left the temple.

 

_“I bet you’d never expect, that when you’re with me during a blood moon,_

_That the monster you should be worried about,_

_**Is the one right next to you.”** _


	3. Energy

I’ve lost count of days. It seems that waking up in the desert was a lifetime ago. But I’ll still keep records of what’s happening.

I’ve been spending lots of time in Erdspell village or around the Taintsoul clan. There are many interesting characters here, many of them struggling with being monsters like me. I’ve actually been able to feed off of willing people, some seem not to mind what I am.

Perhaps I should explain my feeding. Like my father, I feed off sexual energy. The definition of sexual is loose, I can feed off of small touches- hands brushing, a touch on the arm. More platonic things- a quick hug, cuddling. And of course, the more sexual things. I generally feed from hitting people with my riding crop, it helps if they get pleasure from it too, otherwise I get much less energy. It also helps if the person I’m feeding off of is powerful. It’s the one’s with power that I’m most attracted to.

It’s hard to explain the process. But, generally, if there’s sexual energy in the room, I can feed off it. When I feed, the energy flood through my veins. I find myself in a state of euphoria during the feeding, and sometimes after as well. It can be hard to control, my feeding. It can be hard to stop feeding, too lost in the bliss to want it to stop. I have to pace myself, not take too much energy too quickly or try not to take too much. Too long of a feeding and they become weaker and weaker. I try to take enough to keep me going, and leave them with enough to still not feel much of an effect of the lost energy.

There are few people who I’ve actually fed off of. They’re the people I typically hang around.

There’s Eire, who’s a vampire. She seems more than willing to let me feed, in fact, she feeds off me as well. The first time I was backed into a corner and she asked for my blood, well, I was a little unnerved to say the least. She needed food, and Nyx wasn’t around, so I agreed to let her. When her fangs dug into the vein on my neck, I was more surprised than I should have been as a familiar energy surged through my veins. The energy that flowed through me was different than what I had experienced before. Her energy was rich and smooth and intoxicating, I found myself relaxing and almost moaning from the release of tension and the bliss. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with my feeding at all, or what I am. Quite the opposite actually. She doesn’t mind even when my feeding isn’t just when she’s drinking my blood. Oh, those times are fun, you can’t imagine how many riding crops I’ve gone through with them…

Next there’s Willow, she’s a werewolf. She’s with Eire most of the time. I’ve seen her a few times at the store near the Taintsoul clan. I don’t feed of her unless I really need to, and when I do, it’s small things. A brush of skin while passing by, the occasional hug. I’ve my riding crop a few times with her. But she’s Eire’s, I try not to overstep my boundaries. They’re cute together, well, perhaps cute isn’t the correct word. Eire made her a collar to wear, I borrowed the research so I can know how to make on, just for future reference. I’ve heard the collar can be a good resource for magic, but why use it only for magic, I find it’s useful for… other things. As far as her energy, it’s, different. I can feel the pull of the taint in their energy, but lately the taint seems more diluted. I generally try to avoid tainted energy, both because it can affect me, and I get stuck with more impurity.

I know what you’re probably thinking. I’m doing quite impure things while feeding, so why do I try to stay away from the impurity of a tainted soul? It’s…. I-… Well-… you know what, shut up. Okay. Let’s move on.

Then there’s Nyx, I’m not quite sure what she is really. A water spirit, or something like that I believe- A shapeshifter. She helped me out early on by giving me some armor that allows me to walk on water, something very helpful while around my compound. She has so much power, I couldn’t resist trying to feed off her. When I did, the energy that flooded my veins was almost too much, I immediately tensed and tried to stop feeding. It affected me more than Eire’s. Strong waves of energy washing over me, almost suffocating me. Hardly any feeding and I was already drunk off all the energy. Even with the overstimulation from it, I found bliss. Afterwards, I was still feeling the effects of her energy, still floating down from cloud 9. I’ve tried a few smaller feedings, her energy too addictive to leave alone. She really doesn’t seem to mind my occasional small feedings, which is always nice. I’d love to do a full feeding sometime, but I don’t want to let myself slip too much. Yet, at the same time, I’ve started to care less about concealing it. A full feeding might not be out of the question…

In all honesty, I’ve become a bit more comfortable with myself. Emphasis on ‘a bit’, Sometimes I’ll hang out in Erdspell in my business attire, I’ve even gone to the nether in it. Now that’s a story, but for another time. I wonder if people realize how insecure I really feel about so many things. I don’t share a lot about myself with them really. Even if they know what I am. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only monster here.

Sometimes though, I cry out in my sleep. I’m still plagued with nightmares of before. Haunted by the memories. It weighs heavily on my conscience, knowing what I’ve done. Here I thought that I could leave that behind, here I thought I could start fresh. But I’m still tainted, stained with the impurity and darkness. My newfound comfort has allowed me to tell them some of it. It’s not a lie, but it’s not quite the truth.

The only thing I worry about is what would happen if they learned the full truth.


	4. Reunion

It’s been a long day.

It pains me deeply to recount what happened on paper.

I’ve made everything worse. There is no going back now.

I’m sorry for making you see what I went through, but it must be done.

Learn from my experience, and learn never to make the mistakes I did.

* * *

I wiped sweat from my forehead, sitting under a tree for shade. I had decided that the compound might now be the best place for what I was doing, so I trekked to find a place far from anyone’s compound. My hands were blistered and covered in chalky white dust.

There was one reason why I was doing this, I wanted to know if I could figure out a way to control it. I wanted a way to control my feedings. While I don’t mind feeding as much as I did before, controlling myself during them has proven difficult. As is controlling my infernal urges to wreak havoc, to spill blood and leave chaos in my wake. With all the blood moons in this realm, I worry about losing control.

Perhaps I was worrying too much, and worry of hurting my clanmates overpowering my logic. But either way, my ability to control myself while feeding is far from what I’m okay with. My struggle might have to do with my blood status. A full blooded incubus or succubus can control themselves easily, with centuries of experience they’ve made it into an art.

But then their me. A small half-breed, so drunk on the euphoria of a feeding I can hardly stand, so impulsive I can’t trust myself. I knew I needed to learn to control myself. But I didn’t know how.

I searched libraries, consulting different forms of magic, I even looked to the gods for advice. _Nothing_. Not a single entry in a book, not a single tale in any lore, not a single word from the gods. I was desperate.

 _This_ , this was when I started considering more questionable solutions.

And that’s how I found myself near the desert far from my compound, chalking runes around a pentagram. If the gods won’t give me an answer, well… I’ll go to the demons. I had remade my notebook full of the rituals and chants and runes I needed to summon them. The hardest part about the summoning was choosing who to summon. Summon the wrong one, and I know I’m in for a world of pain.

I didn’t want to go to my father- especially since I was unprepared for such a high leveled demon- but I also didn’t want a stranger- it could be too dangerous and unpredictable. That narrowed it down to a short list, and none of the names on it are ones that bring me comfort. There was no option that was safer than the rest, so I chose the name of the one I knew was most knowledgeable on this.

I finished the runes, and backed out of the circle. I pulled out my notebook for reference, but by now I knew this incantation by heart, the words coming to me easily as I chanted in my native tongue. There was a low roll of thunder as smoke filled the circle. I covered my notebook with an arm to protect it from the rain. Staring into the smoke, I forced my voice to remain steady, despite the fear. With a flash of lightning, he emerged from the smoke.

He was tall and muscular, with long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. His pitch black eyes sharply contrasting the his pale angular face. He wore a long black jacket that billowed in the wind dramatically as he growled in a low voice.

“ _qwa kolyz sa zittaf ty_ ”

I rolled my eyes, staying silent. His theatrics did little to scare me. He peered through the smoke, searching for whoever summoned him. His eyes fell on me. The smoke dissipated, and he smiled down at me.

“swy jaek'z wodbxlyyk… qy tyys oroef… _zezsyl_ …”

“bipn abb, uai'ly fas tu xlaswyl, ofk E’t _fa afy'z_ zezsyl” I spat back.

He laughed shaking his head, “What a sharp tongue you have… _sister_ …”

“I am not your sister” I objected.

He ignored me.

“No hug for your big brother? I haven’t seen you in ages. But look at you,” He paused, looking over me, “You’re still just a child.”

“I’m an _adult_ , not a child” I hissed.

“Is that what they call you here? I’ll call you an adult when you’re my age,” A wide grin split his lips, revealing sharp teeth. “If your mortal blood doesn’t give out by then.”

“Your _opinion_ doesn’t faze me.”

He just chuckled, walking to the edge of the circle.

“Now, what would my dear sweet _sister_ want from me? Hmmm? You didn’t summon me all the way here just to yell at me did you?”

I glared at him. I knew he was making sure to emphasize calling me sister. The femininity of the word and it’s implication stung.  I didn’t want to ask for his help, but I had no choice.

“I need help” I started reluctantly.

He burst out laughing, “What was that you were just saying about being an adult, _sister_?”

I tried to hide how much the word bothered me, I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing it irk me. I took a deep breath, and looked him in the eye.

“In this realm… blood moons happen often. And when they happen, they seldom happen less than three nights in a row. Either way, I need a way to…. control myself.”

He couldn’t stop grinning, as he paced around the edge of the circle.

“Oh and why should I help you? Hmm?” He took a step out of the circle, “You can hardly summon a demon correctly.”

I backed up, panic setting in. He wasn’t bound to the circle. He had free reign in this realm now. And he could make my life hell.

My back hit a tree, I was trapped. He strode over to me, I was tall but he still towered over me. Grabbing my hair, he forced my head against the tree. He looked at me. Taking in the changes in my appearance since he last saw me a lifetime ago.

“My my, father certainly wouldn’t approve of this.” He chided, looking at my robes.

Having just come from the temple, and since I had prepared to deal with a demon, I had wore my priest robes.

“Going through a bit of a rebellious phase are we?”

“Y’know, most people call a rebellious phase when someone dyes their hair or starts smoking pot, not when they become a priest.” I protested.

“When you’re a hellbound demon, it is” He smiled.

“I’m not _hellbound_.” I growled, tensing up, “Nor, am I a demon.”

“Of course you are,” He leaned close to me, knowing he hit a nerve “You and I are the same.”

“I’m not like you!” I kicked him hard in the knee, “ _I am nothing like you_ ” But I couldn’t even convince myself with those words, my fear and uncertainty clear in my voice.

He seemed completely unaffected by my pathetic attack, but I saw the fury in his eyes. He gripped my hair tighter, pain shot through my scalp. A hand came down hard on my face, my cheek stung from the impact and I could taste the blood in my mouth.

“Oh you stupid little girl,” He cackled, smiling as tears welled up in my eyes, “You think just because you have some mortal blood, that you’re so much better than us?”

“I know I am” I retorted, spitting blood at him.

“Oh, you’re funny,” He shook his head, “You really do know nothing. _You’re no better than us_.”

“You say that, but I’m obviously better than you in some way,” I pointed out, “Eldest son, but last in line for the throne? Father hasn’t even talked to you in eons. Does he even care about yo-”

I suddenly found the ground rushing up to meet me, he had yanked me by the hair to the ground. The wind was knocked out of me, my chest burning from the fall. I could feel blood running down the side of my face, whether from the impact or his attack I didn’t know. All I knew was I immediately regretted my words.

I rolled onto my back, looking up at him, I truly feared what might happen next. I was shaking, my stomach full of lead. His eyes were seething with rage. It was at that moment I realized how I had made things _so_. _much_. _worse_. There was no way out of this now. He rested his foot on my shoulder, pressing down enough to make me squirm from the pain.

“ _Every time you lose control, every time you give in to the call of the blood moon, the more you erase your mortal blood. The more you become one us. You’re not even half the mortal you were when you started out_.” He pressed his foot down harder, I whimpered. My shoulder burned from the pain. I could hear the fury in his voice, and I was terrified.

“Play on the mortal’s side all you want, but don’t think for a second, you’re anything but a monster, sister,”

The foot on my shoulder pressed down even harder, tears were streaming down my face.

“You’re nothing more than a stupid girl who thinks she’s better than everyone else. It’s time you learn your place. I will watch you fall from your throne of self-entitlement,and I will love every second of it. I will love, seeing your face as I drag you down to hell, where monsters like you truly belong. You’re not my sister. You are nothing.”

He put all of his weight on his foot, bones crunching and the boot digging into flesh. I screamed from the pain. It hurt to breathe, every breath sent earth-shattering pain though my body. The slightest movement triggering a fresh wave of fiery pain.

Pulling his boot away, he spat on me.

“You want to know how to control your feedings?” He snapped, “Find what’s different between you and me. Find what binds you to your last _shred_ of humanity. But there’s so little left of yours, I doubt you have a 3 months before you’re Just. Like. Me.”

He kicked my mangled shoulder, laughing as I cried.

“I could always pay your friends a visit if you don’t learn your place soon. Hurting you won’t do enough to motivate you,” His grin widened as a begged for him to leave them alone, “I’m not sure, but you’ll find out soon enough.”

And with that he turned, disappearing in the pentagram, leaving me writhing in pain. Alone in the darkness of the storm.

I layed there for what seems like hours. Gasping for breath, rain washing over me. The pain was unbearable. Sobs wracking my body, sending me into more pain with every shuddering breath. My tears mixed with the rain and my blood. My throat was raw from screaming. I suddenly felt sick. I rolled onto my side, retching, emptying the contents of my stomach.

I had to get home. In trying to stand up, I accidentally moved my shoulder. The sudden pain causing me to cry out and fall back to the ground. Even trying to get into a position to stand was too painful. I had to get home. I had to get home before the monsters came out.

I dragged myself to my feet- biting my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. Slowly, I staggered home. I had to stop multiple times, the pain too much as I fell to my knees sobbing.

When I finally made it to the compound, I felt unwelcome. The gods knew what I had done, I knew what I done. I didn’t want to face the truth, but I swallowed my pride. I lit cleansing incense, and scrubbed myself raw with cleansing salts, tears still slipping down my face. Nothing could wash away the pain and darkness and guilt  that was eating away at my insides.

Curled up in the shower, I cried silently, watching the dirt, grime, and blood swirl down the drain.  
I couldn’t will myself to get up for the longest time. It took all my strength just to sit up eventually. Leaning against the cold tiles, I forced myself to move my shoulder.

A small cry escaped my lips, it hurt so badly. Slowly I moved it so I could see it better. Inspecting it, I could tell at the very least it’s dislocated. Obviously broken as well, not to mention the cuts. But I didn’t even want to heal it, I wanted to leave it. I wanted it there to remind me that I’m a monster, that I deserve this.

* * *

I can’t hide this for long. My injury. What happened. How I messed everything up. How I’m condemned to be as bad as my siblings. I don’t want to worry them, but I feel I need someone. I know I can trust them- Eire, Willow, Nyx- but…. I worry about what would happen. I worry about my brother coming back to torment me more. I worry about making things so much worse. I worry about putting them in danger.

What worries me most, is what my… brother… said. Those times during blood moon, when I lose hours, unable to remember what happened. The times I give into the blood moon and feed of the unwilling. The killing sprees I go on in the nether when my infernal instincts overpower my logic. The times I practice the most forbidden and taboo magics. All of that was making my feedings so hard to control. All of that was rotting away what was left of my mortality.

He said the thing that holds me to my humanity is what will let me have more control. Not just during feedings, but anytime a blood moon rises and my bloodlust and hunger become insatiable. When I think about it, it pains me, because I can’t seem to find a difference between me and my brother. But I refuse to believe that I’m like him. He could be lying, manipulating me. Playing with me to satiate his boredom. Corrupting me for father’s approval.

I want to tell them….

No.

The less they know, the better.

I’ll carry this burden myself.


	5. Euphoria

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by sleep deprived shenanigans

Gods…. my head hurts like hell.

My memories of last night seem fuzzy. But I’ll try to recall what happened.

Willow was working on Witchery, Eire, Nyx and I were helping out. It was pretty late out and after finishing the infusions, Nyx suggested we try out her Moonshine she had made.

We walked a ways from the compound, grabbed some logs, and set up a fire. We roasted marshmallows, and tried Nyx’s moonshine.

A few bottles in, and well, my memories start to get a bit fuzzy.

Giggling and drunk on the moonshine, we gathered blankets and posts, building a fort. Inside we broke out more moonshine. Losing some of my inhibitions, I quickly shed my robes, changing into something more comfortable. Giggling, I pulled out my riding crop.

After that my memories blur together. I remember chasing Eire around the fort with my riding crop. Shedding more clothes as the night wore on. Backing Nyx into a corner, a hand in tangling in her hair, the other pulling off her clothes, taste of her skin mingling with the taste of the alcohol. Moaning, finally getting a full feeding of Nyx’s electric energy. Eire falling on top of me, latching on to various parts of my skin, leaving bruises and bite marks all over. Laughing, helping Aeneas out of clothes, finger ghosting up her thighs, relishing her moans.

Someone broke out some toys from the On The Edge store. Things got more heated. Delicious friction. I remember holding someone’s head tightly between my legs, toes curling from pleasure. Panting and begging. Finding new favourite toys. Overstimulation. The salty taste of sweat, the smell of sex. I remember having my head or finger between many peoples legs. Exploring everyone’s bodies. Wishing I had done this earlier. Screaming from pleasure, feeling full- figuratively and quite literally. An overwhelming euphoria.

When I woke, I was slightly confused, and sore. I wasn’t in my bed. There was a weight on top of me, something soft against my face and neck. And was that… something between my legs?

Yawning I opened my eyes sleepily. The weight on my chest turned out to be Eire, my face buried in her hair. Aeneas was by Eire, I could see her tail disappearing between Aeneas’s legs. Aeneas was curled up against Nyx, who seemed to have slipped out of their more humanoid form. They had various limbs and tails tangled between us, the tip of one of their tails between my legs.

I felt full and satisfied. Moving a bit I winced. I was sore all over. I could see bruises and bite marks- not all of them from vampiric teeth. That was where I was less sore at least.

I smiled, nuzzling into Eire’s neck some more. This was a nice break from worrying about blood moons and all the negative things. I couldn’t say I didn’t enjoy it all, despite the headache from the booze.

“Qy zwaidk ka swez taly absyf…” I murmured.

“Hmm?” A sleepy voice inquired.

“We should do this more often.”      


	6. Linger

A lot has changed since my last journal. It may have only been a few days ago, but it seems like an eternity.

The fort we had made during our drunken adventures was designated to be the official site of clan meetings. We planned to have these ‘meetings’ once every month. It was only a day I think, before everyone was back at the fort.

People drank significantly less, since last time most of us could hardly remember what happened. Not to mention the hangovers. But I wanted to drink some, I wanted a night where I could let go of the tensions that were plaguing me. But, a few drinks to me is quite different than a few drinks to others.

Full blooded demons can’t really get drunk, since I have some mortal blood in my veins I can. But it takes an extraordinary amount of alcohol for me to get truly drunk. So I ended up drinking a bunch of moonshine and all the Long Island Iced Tea’s we had.

By this time I was grinning stupidly, feeling the warmth of the alcohol in my veins.

I could go on for hours about what happened that night. I had the pleasure of tasting everyone, and I got to thoroughly enjoy Nyx’s company. I still smile at all the memories.

The next night Nyx and I had some more fun with Eire and Willow, but after they finished Nyx turned all her attention to me. We both have quite the stamina, but it makes sense. A shapeshifter as old and powerful as the ocean itself, and the half bred child of such a powerful demon are bound to be even more powerful together. Our limbs tangled, bodies entwined, losing track of time as we explored each other.

It was different from the other times, both of us sober enough to remember it all. And it was just us, alone in the tent. There was something softer and more intoxicating about this time. Gentle lingering touches mixed in with the normal rough ones.

Aqu walked in on us at one point, making sure we were okay since we hadn’t left the tent in so long. We hardly noticed, not even breaking away to catch our breath. Still lost in each other’s touches.

* * *

 

Afterwards, she curled up against me, falling asleep. I tried to sleep, but found myself thinking about her. About us.

There was something different between us now.

It seems like it was an eternity ago when I first met her. Back then it was just polite smiles and small talk. It took ages until I felt comfortable enough around them to feed on them. Even then I was shy. I nearly panicked when they saw my reaction to her energy, worried about what they’d think. After that I was more careful, only taking the smallest amounts of energy.

But now?

Now I was curling against them, naked and exhausted after a long night together. Thinking about lo-

No, that’s stupid.

But…

I grabbed paper, needing to write down my thoughts.

_What changed?_

_When did quick touches start to linger?_

_When did my kisses and touches stop being just about feeding?_

_When did hunger and desperation give way to something more gentle and sweet?_

_When did I start noticing her instead of just her power?_

_When did her presence become all I need to pull myself out of my pit of self hate?_

I began absentmindedly tracing patterns on Nyx’s tanned skin. Memorizing the patterns of small bumps and scars. Watching their chest rise and fall slowly, smiling softly.

_When did thoughts of… of love begin to replace thoughts of fear and sadness?_

_And why?_

_Why was this happening?_

_Why does the thought of love frighten me despite how badly I yearn for it?_

_Why do I feel I don’t deserve this?_

My eyelids grew heavy, Nyx nuzzling against me, whining slightly. I tried to resist the temptation of cuddles and warmth. I wrote out my final thoughts.

_Why do I love you?_

_How could you love me?_

_How can anyone love a monster?_


	7. Echo

_I walked quietly in the darkness of the forest_

_I didn’t know where I was, but something was guiding me. I knew which way to, but I had no idea where it would lead, or what I would find there._

_I continued on, pushing away branches. I couldn’t see the trees, their silhouettes blending perfectly in the inky blackness. I only knew they were there when I felt rough bark in the shadows._

_Ahead of me, I could see a clearing. Someone standing in the middle of it._

_Who?_

_I crept closer._

_I could now see two shapes in the clearing. One wearing blue, the other as dark as the night._

_Moving closer still, I was able to see their faces more clearly._

_Nyx._

_Her face serious as she stared down her opponent. I didn’t need to look to know who the other figure was._

_I heard her voice, the sounds muffled and far away._

_“You have no right to be in this realm!”_

_Distorted giggling surrounded me._

_“Oh but I do, and you know exactly what it is. Your little girlfriend- my sister- gave me free reign over this realm.”_

_Girlfriend?_

_“Vyr is not a girl, and my relationship with her has nothing to do with this.”_

_Does that mean she-_

_“Oh my, so close already. Do you really think she’s being honest with you? She’s nothing but a liar.”_

_“I trust them. And they trust me. They don’t need to tell me the truth, if they don’t want me to know something I respect that.”_

_He laughed._

_“Why do you want to protect someone as pathetic as her. She’s nothing but a mistake. A side effect. An abomination. She’s just some half bred whore.”_

_She pulled out her gun, pointing it at him._

_He laughed again._

_“Do you really think you can protect her? Do you really think she’s been honest with you? Have you asked her about what I’ve been doing lately?”_

_Her hand shook slightly._

_“Has she seemed tense lately? Acting odd? Maybe she claims it’s the blood moons or the **first** injury.”_

_“What do you do to my Vyr?” She growled._

_“Oh, this is just the beginning,” He smiled, “I can’t wait until you see the final act.”_

_“What. Did. You. Do?” She demanded._

_“So the little slut hasn’t been honest with you at all. I wonder how much it will take to break her-”_

_Nyx moved to pull the trigger._

_Time slowed down as I tried to scream.  As I tried to move. As I tried to breathe._

_“NYX STOP!”_

_But my words didn’t even make it out of my mouth. It was too late._

_She pulled the trigger._

_I cried out. A searing pain erupting from my chest. When I brought a hand to the front of my shirt, it was suddenly soaked in the warmth of my own blood. I could feel the life drain from my body. My knees gave out. The ground floated up to meet me._

_Tears spilled as I looked at Nyx as I fell. She was turning to face me. Seconds felt like hours until our eyes met, I saw the sudden panic and fear when she saw me. She started to run over to me, but I knew it was too late. I let out a choked sob, darkness enveloping me and death calling to me so sweetly._

_For once, I didn’t want to let go. Fighting to keep breathing as Nyx rushed over to me in slow motion. But I couldn’t stop it._

* * *

 

I woke up screaming, clutching my chest, tears streaming down my face. Without thinking I ran out of the compound, gasping for breath as I sobbed.

When I finally came back to myself, I found myself on Nyx’s island. I was wearing just my night clothes, no shoes, and my hand has half raised about to knock on the door.

I stopped, lowering my hand.

Stupid, she was probably asleep. What’s the point in bothering her?

I shivered slightly from the ocean air. Sighing, I turned, walking to the beach. Going back to my compound at this time of night was too dangerous. And I needed some time to think.

I walked along the beach for a while, eventually finding a place to sit. The wind from the open ocean was frigid. Especially since I wore just some loose pants. I decided to stay, despite the cold. Sitting with my knees against my chest, I looked out at the dark horizon.

* * *

 

_I pulled my tattered cloak closer around me, hissing at the sting of the snow on my exposed skin. People walked around me, pretending not to see me. I was used to it by this point, but it still made me angry._

_Two years ago, I would have loved to be as invisible as I am now. Most of my energy back then was spent trying to act normal, to just blend in. But it never worked._

 

> _“Vyrian! How are you? Where’s your mother? I haven’t seen her lately”_
> 
> _“I’m doing well, just doing some shopping for her while she makes dinner. She’s making  
>  her potato stew”_
> 
> _“Ahhh, I always loved her potato stew. Say hi to her for me will you?”_
> 
> _“Of course”_

_As time wore on, people started asking more questions._

 

> _“Vyrian, why isn’t your mother doing the shopping?”_
> 
> _“She’s ill, ma’am, I’m trying to buy some herbs and food to help.”_
> 
> _“Oh you poor thing. Your mother’s lucky she has such a helpful young girl. Here,  
>  have some coin, buy your mother something warm.”_
> 
> _“Thank you, ma’am.”_

_But soon, they learned the truth, and they stopped. And two years later I scowled at them for being so heartless. Perhaps I was cuter back then, making people more willing to help out. Two years can change so much._

_My chubby youthful cheeks gone, replaced by a scarily thin face. The light and innocence in my eyes faded, replaced by something dark and cold. Childish smiles and giggles replaced by a permanent scowl. Soft unmarred skin now dry and covered in thick scars._

_When people looked at me, they no longer saw a child. Not just because of the physical changes._

_My mother had always defended me. Covering my ears when people called me a monster, an abomination. She fought for me when the elders wanted to kill me._

 

> _“She’s just a child! Regardless of whether or not she’s human!”_
> 
> _“She’s a danger to us all. She’s a demon.”_
> 
> _“She may be **part** demon, but first and foremost she is just a **child**! She had no control over the fact that she was born.”_

_They let me live, my mother had always been someone powerful and respected. With her on my side, I could be a child. People didn’t dare mention my slitted pupils, or stare at budding antlers or tails._

_But she’s gone._

_When rumours first spread, some still respected me. Hoping it was just a silly rumour._

_But after a while, it became hard to ignore the facts. I found myself being torn apart by a mob, being held down as they sawed my antlers from my head, as they ripped off my tail. They held me down and committed unspeakable acts of violence and hate._

_Through my tears I could see one of the elders, I pleaded for him to make them stop. But he just watched and did nothing. Completely unaffected as I screamed in pain. Unaffected while they lit my mother’s house on fire. In his eyes, I wasn’t a child, I was just a monster._

_They left me afterwards, sobbing and bleeding on the ground. Surrounded by the ashes of my home and all that was left of my mother._

_That seemed like an eternity ago, while I walked down the streets in the winter. I needed to get to the bakery before they collect the garbage. If I’m lucky, I get actual bread._

_A hand suddenly grabbed my arm, yanking me down an alley._

_“Qwos swy bipn kiky?” I shouted._

_The guy who pulled me down the alleyway turned to face me._

_“Vyr, you gotta get out of here.”_

_“What? Why?” I asked._

_“Someone’s looking for you. Big guy, black cloak, foreign I think. Knows your name”_

_“Fuck, okay, what did you tell him?”_

_“I told him I saw you heading down near the river. You should be able to leave through the north gates if you keep a low profile.”_

_“Okay, thanks, I owe you one.”_

_He nodded, pulling a hood over his head, he walked out of the alley._

_I waited a few minutes before doing the same. Taking back alleys and shortcuts to the north side of the village. I could see the north gate, I started towards it, keeping my head low. I suddenly ran into someone._

_“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I apologized, looking up at the man I ran into._

_“Vyrian,” He smiled, “I’ve been looking for you.”_

_My blood ran cold. He was the one I was warned about. But that wasn’t all. I recognized him. I had seen his face before. Not in the village, not in person, but in a picture. A picture my mother had kept above the fireplace. A picture of my mother and my father._

_“F….father?” I tried._

_He smiled, there was something unnerving about it._

_“My my, look at how much you’ve grown. I haven’t seen you since you were a baby. How old are you now?”_

_“Twelve.” I informed him._

_“I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. I only recently heard about what happened.”_

_Anger bubbled in me. How could he walk back into my life after 12 years of avoiding me and my mother. And how could he only come 2 years after she’s gone._

_“It’s fine, I can take care of myself.”_

_He smiled solemnly, “Someone your age shouldn’t have to worry about survival, you should be enjoying childhood.”_

_“It’s fine.” I shrugged._

_“Either way, I’ve come to bring you home.”_

_“What?”_

_“Since your mother can no longer take care of you, It’s my responsibility. You’ll be coming with me to my home. You’ll get to meet your brothers.”_

_I was confused. Mother had said I was an only child. But, I decided to trust him._

_“Okay.” I forced a smile._

_He reached for my hand as we walked out of the village._

_As it turned out, I had 12 brothers. Never had I felt out of place._

_At dinner I looked around, a sparrow among peacocks. They all had almost silvery pale skin, with white looking or blonde hair. But there was one who was different. He was sitting across from me, a smirk plastered on his face, feet resting on the table. He had long, messy, dark hair that fell loose around his shoulders. His skin was pale, but still looked….. human._

_After dinner, he came up to me._

_“Nice to finally meet you, Vyrian was it?”_

_“Uh, yeah.” I shifted uncomfortably._

_“I’m Samael,” He smiled._

_“Nice to meet you.”_

_“Get a load of all these guys am I right,” He shook his head, “So pale and blonde.”_

_I laughed._

_“Am I even related to them? I’m well….” I looked at my own dark skin self-consciously._

_“I know how you feel. We’re mostly related by half. But we’re all still brothers.”_

_It felt nice, talking to him. He made me feel less out of place._

_“Who’s oldest?” I inquired._

_“That, would be me. Everyone’s older than you, but I’m the oldest.”_

_I grinned, I had brothers. A family. I thought I was alone, but now…_

_A bell sounded through the halls._

_“Ah,” He looked down at me “It’s time.”_

_He offered his hand, I took it._

_“Time for what?”_

_“Your official welcome to the family. A kind of… initiation, so to speak. We all had to do it, you’ll be fine.”_

_I nodded, walking with him out of the dining hall._

* * *

 

Closing my eyes, I held back tears. If only I knew what I was getting myself into back then.

“You’ll catch your death out here.” A voice called from behind me.

Nyx sat down next to me, wrapping a blanket around my shoulders.

“It takes more than a little cold to kill me.” I smiled.

“What are you doing out here though?” She looked at me curiously.

“Just needed to take a walk, ended up here, got lost in my thoughts.” I shrugged.

“huh, y’know, typically, people who go for walks late at night wear armor, or at least a shirt” She teased.

I laughed silently.

“But seriously,” She looked at me worriedly, “What’s up?”

I shrugged.

“Has Samael….?”

I froze.

She inhaled, clenching her teeth. Suddenly the winds seemed a bit harsher, the waves a bit stronger. I tensed up anxiously.

I saw her forcibly relax, leaning against me, head on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” She murmured against my skin.

“Yes.” I said instinctively.

She wrapped an arm around my waist, placing a gentle kiss on my shoulder.

“Are you sure? You can always be honest with me. I’m just worried about you.”

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” I confessed quietly.

“You don’t need to tell me everything. I know not to pry secrets out of you, they’re yours, and you can keep them. I don’t care if you haven’t told me the full truth, I just want to to know if you ever need to, you can tell me.”

I nodded, leaning into her warmth.

“Promise you don’t hate me?”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

She nuzzled into my neck, kissing me softly.

I tried to ignore the guilt and fear welling up inside me. Tried to ignore how I felt like I didn’t deserve her affection. Tried to ignore how much I wanted to push her away, make her hate me, so she doesn’t have to be burdened by me.

“Let’s get you inside, you need to warm up.”

I forced another smiled as I held her hand, walking back to the house with her.

I wanted to tell her, but fear swallowed my words.

_I will bear this burden myself._


	8. Effect

Today something odd happened.

I was doing my Thaumcraft research in Erdspell. I was completely lost in my thoughts, but the clanking of crystals pulled me from my reverie. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Eire, sitting on one of the pedestals. She was watching me, or rather, my neck with hunger.

“Hey Eire.” I smiled.

“Mmmm” She wasn’t really listening.

I laughed quietly, pulling my mask and cloak off. I was actually wearing some clothes today, unlike usual. I had been adventuring and while walking around in my crop top and fishnets is fun, it’s certainly not safe.

I turned around in my chair.

“Hungry?” I teased, leaning back, exposing my neck more.

She licked her lips, and pounced on me. I gasped slightly when her fangs punctured my neck, but immediately relaxed. Her feeding always helped release my tension. I wrapped an arm around her, holding her against me.

I didn’t need to feed, having spent the night with Nyx, so I just enjoyed the break from strenuous research.

For a while, I sat there. Drawing shapes on her back while she feed. She must have been starving from the amount of blood she was taking.

Suddenly, I felt one of Eire’s hands move down my chest, playing with the hem of my shirt. Her hand slipped under, moving up, brushing across my nipple. I gasped. Typically, our feeding never went beyond embraces. At least when we were outside the fort, that is. Not that I was complaining, just the opposite actually.

Her other hand moved to my belt.

I looked around nervously. I didn’t have a problem with other people seeing us, I mean, I’ve slept with a majority of the clan leaders. Doing this out in the open felt slightly unnerving, but we were the only one’s in Erdspell.

Why not enjoy myself.

I spread my legs, allowing her to undo my belt. She slipped her hand into my pants, rubbing me through my boyshorts. I moaned softly, pushing myself against her.

* * *

 

Losing myself in the euphoria for a while, I almost forgot she was feeding. I was focusing too much on her touch to remember. But after a considerable period of time, I suddenly became lightheaded. It was that when I remembered she was still feeding, draining me of my blood.

How long has she been feeding? It seemed like longer than normal. And I felt myself growing weaker by the second.

“Eire” I pawed at her weakly.

It took so much energy, just to move my arms. I whined, feeling dizzy and tired.

“Eire, stop.” I pleaded.

She suddenly jerked back.

“Fuck, are you okay?”

She looked at me worriedly. It was a struggle just to sit up, my breath shallower than normal, I could hardly keep my eyes open.

“I nearly killed you, oh my go- I’m so sorry.”

Through my blurry vision, I could see the horror and panic and regret in her eyes.

She backed away from me, tears welling in her eyes.

“What have I done…” She whispered to herself.

* * *

 

When Nyx arrived, I was using all my strength to stay awake and Eire was sitting in the corner, shaking from the horror of what she had done.

She rushed over to me.

“What happened?”

“It’s my fault…”She confessed, “I got carried away with feeding….”

“I get hurt too much huh?” I smiled weakly.

Nyx shook her head, grinning.

“A little blood loss is easy to fix, They’ll just need some rest and fluids.” She reassured Eire.

She scooped me up, walking out of the Thaumcraft building.

“I’ll take them back to ou- my place for some rest.”

She looked at Eire again.

“Don’t beat yourself up, They’ll be fine. Just be more careful next time.”

Eire nodded.

Back on the island, she brought me to bed and gave me some herbal tea. I whined until she came into bed, letting me curl up against her sleepily.

While waiting for sleep to come, I thought about what happened.

Eire never typically lost control like that, always taking the a safe amount every time. Thinking about it, I realized she was acting a bit different. She seemed slightly preoccupied, and more hungry than normal.

I yawned, nuzzling into Nyx.

It was probably nothing to worry about. Gods know I’ve been acting differently lately too. There was a monster hunter from Baedmon that had tried to attack Willow, perhaps that was bugging her. I know it’d bother me if something like that happened to Nyx.

She started petting my hair softly, pressing a kiss to my head.

“Try and get some sleep.”

I pulled the blanket tighter around us.

“As long as you stay with me.”

She smiled, nodding, “Deal.”

* * *

 

Sorry journal, I get carried away when I start writing about Nyx… but I’m also not. Writing about her, being around her, it makes me unreasonably happy. Writing about her is so much more enjoyable than writing about the pain and suffering in this world.

But back to what I was first writing about. Eire. She seems distracted and hungrier. It’s probably nothing to worry about. But I felt I should record it, should I notice any more changes. But like I said, I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.


	9. Troll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comic relief chapter

Oh gods, we are such dorks.

I’m sorry journal, I’m laughing as I write this.

I had spent the night with Nyx at our place. Well, her place technically. But I spend most of my nights there in our bed, so I like to think of it as our place.

In the morning, I stumbled into the kitchen to find the beautiful sight of Nyx wearing my clothes. She was making breakfast, but was quickly distracted when I came up behind her. We ended up making out for a while, nearly burning breakfast. We never did end up eating, well at least not the food, that is.

I’ll spare you the details, as what I wanted to record was shortly after this.

She broke away from our kiss.

“Oh, come with me” she grinned.

“Where are we going? ‘cause while I think clothes are overrated, the general public thinks I should wear them.”

She laughed, standing up. She grabbed one of her shirts and threw it at me.

“We’re just going to my witchery hut.”

I pulled on her shirt, smiling.

“I’ll be right back.” She pressed a quick kiss to my lips before running off.

I closed my eyes, blushing and giggling a bit. She always managed to do that to me, reduce me to a pile of blushes and giggles. I don’t remember ever feeling this way about someone. Most of my relationships were purely physical and the main point of them being feeding. But somehow, we had gone from just sleeping with each other, to something so much more.

She pulled me from my thoughts when she returned. I eyed the taglocks she had suspicously.

“C’mon” She dragged me from the house over to her witchery hut. There, she showed me a mirror.

“Umm, nice mirror, I guess?” Slightly confused at what she was trying to show me.

“Watch” She smiled, grabbing my taglock.

I knew it was mine because my blood was darker, mixed with silvery colour.

She touched the taglock to the mirror. There was a puff of smoke, I coughed.

When it cleared, I was staring at myself. Not in the mirror, but an actual person who looked exactly like me.

“Nyx?”

The me grinned, “Cool huh?”

“Oh, my gods.” I laughed.

She handed me her taglock. I raised my eyebrows, but decided why not. I touched the taglock to the mirror, shuddering as magic flowed through me.

Stepping back I looked in the mirror, I was Nyx. I was glad I was wearing her shirt, as it would probably be far more comfortable now since I had her chest.

“Been a long time since I had boobs.” I shook my head, smiling.

“I have an idea.” Nyx smirked.

“Oh?”

“Let’s go mess with the others,”

I laughed again, “Okay, but I need to put on more clothes, since you typically wear clothes.”

We walked back to the house, and I found her discarded clothes from last night. Pulling them on, I couldn’t stop grining.

–

We went to Aeneas’s place first. Watching her deal with mobs. When she finished, she came over to us.

“Hey guys.” She smiled.

“Wydda,” Nyx smiled, speaking in my native tongue.

“Hey.” I tried.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Nothing, just hanging out really.”

“Okay,” She moved to her storage room, going through chests, looking for something.

We watched her, trying to hold back giggles.

She looked at us puzzled, but said nothing, turning back to the chests. She did a double take, looking at what we were wearing.

_Shit._

Nyx was still wearing her pendant and purple sash, I was still wearing my green sash.

“Oh my god,” She closed her eyes, “You guys are such dorks.”

We let out our suppressed giggles, running to the portal. We caught our breath when we stepped out of the portal, into the hub.

“Maybe Eire is around?” I suggested.

She grinned.

* * *

 

We walked through the Rosethorn portal.

Eire wasn’t in the house there, so we split up, looking around. Nyx found her a bit away from the compound, working on blood magic. We giggled, walking in the building.

“Mmm, what can I do for you darlings?” Eire smiled, putting some stone in the altar.

We looked at each other for help. We hadn’t really thought of what to do or say.

Eire rolled her eyes, turning back to the blood altar.

“Think of something to say!” Nyx whispered to me.

“I…uh… I dunno what to say”

“I hadn’t thought this through” She murmured.

“I’m Nyxivaan” I spluttered loudly, panicking.

Nyx facepalmed.

“Good to know, Vyr.” Eire acknowledged.

Nyx pulled me back outside. Laughing quietly.

“Do you think she knows?”

She leaned her head against my shoulder, laughing a bit more.

“Yes, babe, I’m pretty sure she does.”

I nuzzled her neck.

“We’re amazing at this” I giggled.

“200%, the best” She grinned, pressing a quick kiss to my lips.


	10. Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comic relief is over, back to hell.

I finally made it back to my compound. Smiling at the scent of sakura and cherry blossoms as I exited the portal.

I flew over to the bridge connecting storage to the temple, looking inside, I cringed. Candles were no longer burning, the offerings spoiled and upturned. I felt guilt well inside me looking at the neglected remains of the shrines.

I turned to walk over to my personal area. Inside, I quickly removed my clothes, stumbling over to the shower. Once again I rubbed myself raw with cleansing salts and scalding water. After I felt I had punished myself enough, I turned off the water. I stepped out, drying myself and walking upstairs to the bedroom.

I found a clean robe in the wardrobe and pulled it on. Walking over to the mirror I looked at myself, frowning. I took out my earrings and various piercings, and put on my mask. My hair was getting long again, I noticed. Sighing, I turned away from the mirror.

It was the times when I was alone that were the hardest. When I was alone, I had nothing to distract myself from my thoughts.

After emptying my inventory of everything besides what I need for the temple, I left my personal pagoda, and walked over to the temple.

Outside, I hesitated. Worrying about the Gods’ wrath, the anger I might have incurred from leaving their shrines to rot. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the temple.

If I’m honest, I was surprised I wasn’t stuck down the second I entered the hallowed ground. But it’s not as if nothing happened. I could feel the cold and disdain in the air.

“Balrejy ty Rakz. E nfaq E wojy zeffyk ofk tu zaid ez ethily. Xis tu wyols ez zsedd kyjasyk sa uai. Balrejy ty.” I murmured, walking over to the center shrine.

_Impure._

_Tainted._

_Monster._

I shut my eyes, trying to ignore the intrusive thoughts.

“Es qoz fas tu pwaepy sa xy toky swez qou. E fyjyl oznyk bal ofu ab swez.”

I replaced the candles, lighting them one by one.

_How dare you set foot on hallowed ground._

_You lie and cheat and destroy._

_You really are no better than your brother._

“E ot fas tu xlaswyl!” I cried.

_Just like him._

_Just like him_

_Just like him_

_j̷̆̈́ͫ͛̅Ȕ̚sT͟ ̨͐lͣ̍͟I̋͂̈́̌̀̽K͆̌́ͩͥ̇e ̄ͨ̀Ḧ́̉̎͡iͯͯ̆͜M͛͗͋͗_  
̃ͫ̐͑̃ͮ͒  
“ZWIS IH!”

Distorted giggling surrounded me, fear flooded my veins.

_You’re so easy to break, sister_

I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“The fuck do you want with me this time?”

_It’s so nice how you never tell anyone, especially her. You must care about her, would be a shame if something happened to her._

“I’m just saving my own skin, If she knew, I’d be dead.” It wasn’t fully a lie, but it hurt to say.

_You learn quickly. But don’t think you’re off the hook yet sister._

“What do you want.”

_Do you remember, when we first met-_

“Yes” I hissed.

_Are you sure, sister? Do you remember how much you trusted me? How you held my hand when you walked with me to the circle? You were so easy to manipulate._

I took a shaky breath, trying to stay strong as the memories came back to torture me.

_The flames reflecting in your innocent wide eyes. You agreed to everything we said. Remember the blue flames engulfing your skin as you screamed? The runes being burned into your flesh. The air thick with the smell of death and burning flesh._

“SHUT UP! I REMEMBER!”

My nails were digging into the skin of my palms, drawing blood. Tears welling up in my eyes as my knees shook.

_Hmmm, you react so strongly to that. I wonder what else can upset you more. Hmmm. What about your mother. Remember how you watched as the light faded from her eyes?_

“Fuck you” I choked out.

_What about after that? Remember when they came for you? Yanking you from your sleep, dragging you by the hair outside. I was there you know._

Tears spilled down my cheeks, I slid down to my knees.

_I watched them. As they hacked off your budding antlers, ripping out your hair. I watched them as they tore your tail from your flesh. You screamed until your throat was raw, I couldn’t stop smiling._

Silent sobs wracked my frame as I rest my head against the cold wood floor. The memories of that night were overwhelming me. They were so vivid, I was no longer in my compound, I was back in my village. Except this time, I could hear him laughing.

 _This isn’t real_ \- I sobbed, trying to reassure myself. I could feel the hands grabbing and tearing at flesh and clothes. I closed my eyes in shame and fear.

 _This isn’t real_ \- I repeated as nails tore into my flesh while they held me down.

He loomed over me. smirking.

_If this isn’t real, then you won’t mind._

He pulled out a 9 tails whip. I knew this whip, I had been well acquainted with it as a child. The uneven branching scars on my back made sure I would never forget.

A scream was ripped from my raw throat when he brought it down, knots bruising my skin, metal shards embedding into my skin. It felt so real. The pool of blood I was lying in, the excruciating pain, the humiliation.

I wanted nothing more than for this to be a dream. To wake up in Nyx’s warm arms as she kisses away the pain and fear.

But Nyx wasn’t here.

I sobbed, I wanted this to end, I wanted to forget this. He whipped harder, smiling at me.

_You know what to do. You know how to make me stop._

“Please,” I begged, “Make it stop.”

He tutted, bringing the whip down ever harder.

_Not good enough sister._

“I’ll do anything” I cried

I regretted it as soon as it left my mouth, but it was too late now.

The cold, dark woods of my village melted into the soft light of the temple. The wind was knocked out of me as a foot kicked my side, sending me sprawling onto my back.

His boot pressed down against my ribcage, as he smiled down at me.

I screwed my eyes shut.

“Open your eyes dear sister,” He cackled, “Try to say ‘this isn’t real’ now”


	11. Fight and Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter is mostly filler, I apologize.

In the search for normalcy and distraction, I had started farming.

I had never gotten around to making a farm in my compound. There are rice crops planted, but they are overgrown and neglected. I had spent so long away from my compound. Being alone in my compound has become uneasy for me. It was in my compound that I was always tortured and tormented. Now I couldn’t be there without fear.

It was an ungodly hour when I startled awake, screaming from a nightmare. Grabbing my backpack I headed to Erdspell without thinking. There, I made fish traps, setting them up in the river. I planted also planted rice and seaweed. By the time the morning sun rose, I had an organized farm set up. Days blurred together as I stayed there, tending to the crops, checking and re-baiting the traps, organizing the fish caught.

I was waist deep in the waters, harvesting rice, putting the crops in a bag slung over my shoulder when she found me.

“Are you coming to the dragon fight?” She called from shore.

“Dragon fight?”

She blinked next to me, sitting on a rock.

“Yeah, we’re going to fight the Enderdragon. I thought I told you?”

If she did, I must have forgotten.

“Dunno. But I’ll help fight the dragon.” I grinned.

“Cool. Each of us can only use one magic or science though. Just to make it fair.”

I knew nearly everyone has been researching Thaumcraft, someone had probably already chosen that.

“What can I use then?”

“You have Aqu’s old armor right? I can give you a bow and sword from that branch of science.”

I had never looked much into the sciences, preferring to use magic. But Aqu’s armor was pretty powerful, so why not.

“Okay, when are we leaving?”

She smiled.

“We’re doing last minute preparations right now. I gotta finish some brews. Everyone’s in the Thaumcraft building. See you there!”

She leaned down pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before teleporting away.

* * *

It was chaotic, the Thaumcraft building. People flying and running around, charging wands, enchanting, doing last minute checks of equipment.

Luna was using Botania, she was flying around gracefully in the pink elementium armor. Nyx was using Witchery, she was sitting on her broom, looking through potions and brews. Aeneas had her blood magic, soaring around in her bulky armor while she checked her blood network. Willow had Thaumcraft, she was half dressed in Fortress armor while she impatiently waited for an infusion to finish. Aqu was running around as well.

Somehow in all the confusion, I was handed the bow and sword. I tried to hide my discomfort with the bow. It had a different weight and power than my bow, and it needed energy to work. But with a few enchantments, I got it to have infinite arrows and make it easier to draw.

I added some quick enchantments to Aqu’s old armor as well, just finishing as people started heading to the portal. Running, I stumbled, smashing into a wall. I had increased my speed, but I hadn’t realized how much it had increased it. I didn’t have time to edit the enchantments, so I would just have to deal with being clumsy during the fight.

Outside the portal room, I got some brews of strength from Nyx. People were doing final equipment checks. I fell back a bit, trying out my armor. I had no luck, I was still clumsy, underestimating my speed and strength.

Someone called me over to the portal. I walked slowly, worried about tripping and falling in prematurely.

We crowded around the edge of the portal. Staring into its swirling patterns, hesitating.

“Any words of wisdom?” Aeneas asked.

There was an awkward silence, none of us speaking up.

“What doesn’t kill you, will try harder next time.” I smirked.

I turned, kissing Nyx quickly, then jumped into the portal. I heard Aeneas laugh before everything disappeared.

* * *

A roar echoed through the air.

“There she is.” Someone pointed to the skies.

“Straight into it I guess.”

I saw her dive down towards us.

“Fuck, okay, here we go.”

I jumped, suddenly hurdling through the air struggling to stay upright. Maybe I overdid the jump boost a bit too much as well…

I flailed as I tried to stand in the air, my boots letting my glide unsteadily down. The second my feet touched the endstone, endermen swarmed around me. I was forced to jump again.

While I glided, I drew my bow, firing shots at the obsidian towers. They exploded as the beacon was destroyed, obsidian flying everywhere. I hissed as debris hit me.

“Are the towers gone?” Aeneas called.

“Yeah!” Someone replied.

“Let’s work on taking her down now!”

I touched ground again, having to jump immediately as a hoard surrounded me.

“This is going to suck.” I muttered.

Everyone else had means to fly, but I could only manage jumping and descending slowly. There was no way I was going to be able to melee. But If I couldn’t stop moving, using my bow would be difficult.

Looking around, I spotted the clouds. Dark and dense, others were using them as a place to quickly land. When I jumped next, I aimed towards a cloud, hoping it could support my weight. I lost my balance as I landed, but I was safe here.

Well.

There was still a rampaging dragon that was trying to kill me and my friends, but the endermen and other monsters couldn’t reach me here.

“Guys, why are all the endermen over there?”

Looking down, I could see a massive crowd of endermen right under the cloud.

“I’m just that good at pissing them off.” I shook my head.

I quickly reoriented myself, kneeling and drawing my bow. I fired a bunch of quick shots, they hit her.

She turned and started flying towards me.

“Well shit.”

I jumped in the air, firing multiple arrows in rapid succession.  A few hit her. Satisfied, I glided over to another cloud, taking up position again.

“Ack!”

Something bit me, whirling around I looked for the culprit. A dozen vampire bats were swarming around, biting me.

“They take our health, and give it to her.” Someone called out.

“Fucking annoying is what they are.” I mumbled.

I swung my sword, quickly killing the bats.

I went back to sniping position. Getting a few shots in before another group of bats started nipping at me.

It seemed like it went on for hours, shooting her, jumping clouds, killing the bats, shooting her again. But her health refused to go down.

I growled. It felt hopeless, any damage we did, she regained with the bats. Many of us had come within inches of death, saved by a poppet or a quick tp away from the action. For once, I was not nearly dying, I was still relatively unhurt.

I focused on looking for the others for a second.

“I lost my broom!” Nyx exclaimed.

“Aeneas, did you grab my stuff?” Witchy asked.

“Uh, yeah,” She paused, “God, why am I taking damage?”

My lapse in attention cause me to be thrown through the air, air leaving my lungs. The dragon slamming into me, sending debris flying.

I slammed into the ruins of a pillar. Cursing at the pain.

“I hope you guys fucking appreciate how much damage I’ve done without being able to fly!”

“We really do!” Aeneas reassured from the sky.

Looking around, I saw how bad we were doing. Everyone was on low health and tired. Bruised and bleeding, narrowly dodging attacks.

I could see fireballs hurtling towards me. I let out a stream of swears trying to get to my feet. My knees gave out when I tried to stand.

“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…_ ”

Out of options, I rolled quickly to the side, off the edge of the pillar. Falling down into a hoard of endermen. I heard something break when I hit the ground, but I didn’t have time to see. I scrambled away from them, trying to get to my feet to jump away.

I drew my bow, but it didn’t work.

Out of power.

“Are you fucking kidding me.” I hissed.

I stumbled to my feet, swinging the dead bow around, hitting the endermen. I managed to take small leaps, wincing every time I touched down.

The others must have been in an equally bad situation, because I heard Nyx yell.

“Restrictions are gone! Let’s just kill this thing!”

I fumbled wildly through my backpack, grabbing my flugel tiara. I ascended upwards, sighing in relief.

I saw Willow running across the ground, now using her wolf form. The others joining me in the air. I pulled out my old bow, rapidly firing at the dragon. I stayed in the air above them, shooting as much as I could. It didn’t take long for my arrows to run out.

“She’s almost there! Just a bit more.”

Fuck it.

I flew straight at her, pulling out the charged sword Nyx had given me. It just took a quick hit. The defeated roar echoed through the sky and void. I heard her speak to me, right before their body exploded into bright purple light. An orange heart fell from the light.

I rushed forward, grabbing it before it hit the ground.

I held the heart on my hand, staring at nothing, fear and guilt welling inside me. But I saw the others coming over, and quickly repressed those emotions.

“Vyr!”

She collided with me, wrapping her arms around me as we spun, giggling.

I pulled her close to me, kissing her, trying to forget what I had heard. She danced around in the sky with me, giggling.

“E dajy uai…” I murmured against her lips.

She pulled back, blushing slightly, “I love you too, Vyr…”

* * *

After making it back the the Overworld, and giving Aqu the dragon heart, I excused myself. Trying to keep everything in as I walked through the portals to my compound. While flying over to my pagoda, I thought about what happened when I killed the dragon.

She had looked at me, purple eyes staring into my soul.

“… _Swy Jaek'z Wodbxlyyk… we finally meet… I was hoping you were different, but now I see. You’re just like your brothers. Shame such pure mortality was tainted… I hope you’re happy with what you’ve become…_ ”

I stumbled into my pagoda, pulling off armor and tossing it to the floor as I walked. I was exhausted. I was bleeding and I must have had a few broken ribs as well. But all I wanted to do was sleep. I didn’t want to heal myself. I just wanted to forget.

I grabbed a few bottles from a cupboard, downing them quickly. A sleeping draught and pain relief draught should do the trick.

I flopped onto my bed, not bothering to pull the blankets over me. The sleeping draught was already affecting me, my eyelids growing heavy, muscles relaxing. I gave in to my fatigue, slipping into sleep.

I saw him again in my dreams. I hated myself for falling asleep, for leaving myself so vulnerable. I left myself such an easy target for him… In the dream, I clutched the ring I made for Nyx. I had remade it, thinking- hoping…

I don’t want to talk about what happened in the dream…

I woke up gasping and screaming, tears running down my face. My whole body shook as I sobbed. I felt an arm wrap around me, fingers gently running through my hair. I screamed again pushing away, hitting them. My body tangled in the sheets, panic overwhelming my logic. I reached for a weapon, but she stopped me.

“Shhhhh…. It’s okay, It’s just me, It’s okay.” She soothed, holding me close.

I realized I was in my bed, crying against Nyx. Looking at her, I could see there was a small bruise forming when I had hit her. Guilt welled up in me, letting out a choked sob. I had hurt Nyx. I was just like them, I was a monster, I had hurt someone I loved. I had hurt _Nyx._

“I- I’m sorry…” I sobbed against her shoulder “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I hurt you, I’m sorry…”

_I’m a monster. I’m a monster. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve to be loved. I don’t deserve to live. I’m a monst-_

“It’s okay, shhhh, it’s not your fault,” She pet my hair, holding me close.

I must have been speaking the panicked thoughts invading my mind, because I heard her murmur against my hair.

“You’re not like them, you’re not a monster, you’re my Vyr. I love you.”

I eventually calmed down, curling up against her, breath still shaky. I was struggling to keep my eyes open, still under the effects of the sleeping draught, being reluctantly pulled into sleep. My breathing slowed finally as I relaxed against her.

“Wait, before you fall asleep again,”

“Hmmm?” I slurred, my voice slow and thick with sleep.

She held something in front of me. It took me a while to comprehend what it was, but I finally did. It was the ring I remade, elegant swirling silver band with a deep blue gem. I had left it on my dresser.

I looked up at her with lidded eyes, questioningly.

“I do.” She grinned, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

I smiled against her sleepily, slowly falling asleep, curled up against her.


	12. Bound

 It’s time for me to be straight with you again journal.

 

I’ve been told keeping secrets can be harmful to myself.

 

Where to start. Some say the beginning is the best place. But I don’t want to disclose what happened after the bells rung on my first night. I don’t want to relieve the-

 

So let’s start from now, and work backwards. Let’s start with the torture I’ve had to endure ever since I summoned him.

 

Waking up on the floor feeling incredibly sore is not a new thing, especially here in Austral -1. I wish I was sore from a fun night with the others, but that was not the case. My eyes were forced open with fear, gasping as I woke from a nightmare. I tried to take a breath. Clutching my chest, I shook, taking in a painful lungful of air.

 

Looking around, I noticed I wasn’t in my bed, I was on the pale floor of the temple. I could see smears of my dark blood contrasting the wood. I sighed silently, closing my eyes, letting my head fall back onto the floor. The nightmare wasn’t over yet.

 

“Finally awake again, sister?” He smirked from the shadows.

 

I didn’t respond. I lay there motionless, eyes staring off into nothingness.

 

He tutted softly, I could hear him walk over to me. I ignored the fear, forcing apathy. Once upon a time, that might have been hard. Not anymore.

 

He stood above me, smiling. The whites of his eyes melted away, the shadows of wings starting to manifest. His smile was just a bit too wide, his teeth just a bit too sharp. He didn’t need claws or scales or extra limbs to be terrifying.

 

He nudged me with the toe of his boot. I took in a deep breath, hissing. My ribs were still so sore, the smallest pressure sending waves of pain through my body.

 

“I applaud your stamina sister, but don’t think I don’t see how affected you are. Your glamours mean nothing to me.”

 

I knew glamours would never fool him, I wore them to keep others from worrying. I had always used them to cover up small things. Unsightly bruises from battles, deep scars, runes. My mother would never let me, but after she was gone… After that I didn’t need them as much, but they still helped hide my eyes. They were something to make my face less memorable, something to use so I could disappear. 

 

And lately, I’ve found more use for them. Hiding fresh bruises and marks, hiding how thin I’ve become, hiding how much I’ve let myself slip. I can’t use them forever. They can’t help me lie and hide the emotional scarring. Sometimes I wonder if they can see how dull and lifeless my eyes are, how quiet and small I’ve become.

 

But lying in front of Samael, I knew he could see it all. And I knew he loved it. 

 

“No need to hide it here.”

 

His unblinking eyes watched my unfocused eyes and blank expression, hungry for any sign of emotion. I held back tears as I let the glamour melt away. Now anyone could see.

 

Over the past… I- I don’t even know how long it’s been. But ever since he started his torment, my mortal appearance has faded. My smooth dark tail manifesting again, pulsating runes spreading farther over scarred skin, the tips of antlers erupting from my skull, teeth sharpening.

 

It  _ hurt. _ Mortal flesh and blood screaming in protest as something infernal takes hold. The mortality that I had once felt so privileged for having was now the root of my problems. My body was constantly at battle. Bursting at the seams with infernal power, human skin unable to contain my true nature.

 

I found myself cursing my mother, hating how she had given me mortality. I was painful to say. But I hated being stuck in this purgatory. Too mortal to join the ranks of my brothers, too demonic to be accepted by humans. For once I truly understood my name. 

 

_ Swy Jaek'z Wodbxlyyk. _

 

_ The Void’s Halfbreed. _

 

Rejected by both mortal and immortal, something in between life and death.Torn between two worlds, condemned to be an outcast, to wander but never belong.

 

“You’re finally understanding now, sister.”

 

I let my head roll to the side, staring into the distance. Even without looking I could feel his anger. He wanted a reaction, he wanted to see me sob in pain. But at this point, I couldn’t bring myself feel anything anymore.

 

He brought his foot back to kick me hard in the ribs. I closed my eyes, bracing for the impact. It never came. A flash of light, a shower of sparks erupting from where the kick was aimed. I had forgotten about what I was clutching in my hand. 

 

A small ring, intricate designs carved in the metal, with a smooth blue gem.

 

I ring I had made for-

 

_ Nyx… _

 

I struggled to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks. It was something so stupid really. After the time we’ve spent together, we’ve grown so close. It had come up, one night. Limbs entangled as we exchanged slow, loving kisses. Nothing was expected to come of it. Traditions had changed so much in my lifetime and hers it had seemed. But I feel so strongly for her-

 

“She doesn’t even know about this. A relationship built on lies. Hmmmm, how can she trust you if you hide so much from her.”

 

I couldn’t help but feel what he said was true. But what he was saying was something that I had already thought about. 

 

He stepped over me, crouching down to look at the ring I was holding.

 

“Thank you,” He smirked as he took it, inspecting it closely, “Runic shielding? Very nice.”

 

He stood up, dropping the ring, smiling as he crushed it with his heel.

 

I could feel a warm tear slide down my cheek. Screwing my eyes shut, I felt the last of my happiness and hope drain out of me. I hated myself for showing emotion, for being weak. I had tried so hard to empty myself, so I wouldn’t feel anything. But Nyx… I hated myself for seeing her as my weakness. I hated myself for a moment where I wished she wasn’t in my life. His laughter made me flinch.

 

“And here worried I couldn’t break you anymore. Good to see you're back in the game sister.”

 

He walked over to the shrines, blowing each candle out. 

 

The last of the flickering candle light reflecting in my hollow, watering eyes. I lay there, waiting, hating what comes next. 

 

The last candle flickered and died, he turned back to face me. His distorted giggling surrounded me again as he pulled out his whip.

 

“Let’s try again shall we.” 

 

He grinned, taking slow steps towards me. Once more, reality melted away. Darkness and cold enveloping me as I found myself in the woods again.

 

“Let’s see how long it takes to break you  _ this time.” _

 

_ O xafk balryk blat xdaak ofk hoef, _

_ Sqa zaidz nfes saryswyl, plyosefr afy, _

_ Debydefyz yfsqefyk, pis afy, xasw oly zdoef, _

_ Afdu qwyf talsodesu poddz tou swez xy ifkafy. _

 

A bond forged from blood and pain,

Two souls knit together, creating one,

Lifelines entwined, cut one, both are slain,

Only when mortality calls may this be undone.

 

It was intended to be something holy, seraphic.

 

Something like the covenant between David and Jonathan.

 

It was meant to be something sacred, something only few are bound with. 

 

It changed. When mortal blood mixed with ichor, when demonic blood ran through mortal veins. The mortal children of angels used it for something like marriage. Something more intimate than rings and promises. Something to bring two people closer together.

 

The mortal children of demons used it for something more infernal. Combining two powerful souls to make something stronger. Something to be feared. They still saw it as something intimate. Still only binding with soul-mates.

 

Full blooded demons started using it like their half-bred sibling did.

 

But…

 

Some didn’t mind using it on the unwilling. To use it as torture.

 

I was 12 years old. My mother had died 2 years ago. My father had finally come to take me.

 

12 brothers, but only by half. I was the youngest, the weakest, I was dead weight. No point in training me if I had mortal blood. I knew he despised me. My father wanted a strong, infernal son who could carry on his bloodline. Someone to inherit the throne. But instead he got me. A scrawny half bred...  _ daughter _ ...

 

There was him. Samael. The oldest. But he had done something, it must have been awful. He became last in line of the throne. So he used that anger to fuel his bloodlust, his urge to raze. He left chaos wherever he went. Dark. Sadistic. Manipulative. Could have been the perfect son but… Rebellious. Defiant. He refuses to be controled.

 

Whether Father wanted to punish him, or me. Maybe both of us. Or maybe Samael wanted something to satiate his boredom with. 

 

_ I was 12 years old. _

 

How could I understand this? I didn’t even know what I was. I was still just a child. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. I couldn’t possibly know what would happen. I didn’t know not to trust them. I thought I could trust them.

 

But they lie.

 

_ He lies. _

 

I was 12 years old. You can’t- You can’t blame me…

 

He reached out to me, joked with me. He made me feel more welcome. He played with me. He talked with me. He made me feel like family. He told me I’d be fine, He told me there’s nothing to worry about. He told me to go with him, nothing bad will happen. Everything will be fine.

 

_ But he lied _ .

 

I walked with him, trembling, eyes wide. I walked with him into the circle, my small feet tiptoeing nervously around the chalk. He crouched down next to me, looking into my eyes. He looked so genuine, he looked like he cared. He grabbed my wrist cautiously. 

 

“ _ You trust me right? _ ” 

 

I didn’t know. I didn’t know. You can’t blame me.  _ I didn’t know. _ I was only 12.  _ I didn’t know! _

 

“Yes.”

 

Why did I do that. Why did I trust him. Why did I let him. Why did I do that. I didn’t know. You can’t blame me. Please.  _ I didn’t know. _

 

He grinned. It looked wrong. Something about it was off putting. It seemed just a little too wide, teeth just a little too sharp. His nails digging into my wrist as his grip tightened. The whites of his eyes suddenly inky black.

 

No. 

 

_ No! _

 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He said I’d be fine. He said not to worry. He said nothing bad will happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I was only 12 how could I have known. It’s not my fault! It’s not my fa-

 

I screamed as a knife tore through my flesh, leaving blue flames in it’s wake. It burned. I could feel every nerve in my body screaming in pain. I couldn’t breathe. I felt him let go of me, I fell, writhing in pain. I clutched my wrist, sobbing, blood spilling out between my fingertips. A symbol burning in my flesh.

 

I didn’t know. How could I have known. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t understand. He was my brother. He was family. He was supposed to take care of me. He said I’d be fine. He said nothing would go wrong.

 

_ HE LIED. _

 

I felt the knife again, cutting into my shoulder. My eyes watered, I could smell my own skin burning. I tried to jerk away. His nails dug into my flesh, yanking me back. He slapped me across the face.

 

“ _ Bitch! _ ” 

 

His eyes were seething with rage. No. No.  _ NO.  _ I didn’t know! How could I have-

 

He grabbed my hand, watching my eyes with joy as he bent one backwards until he heard a snap. I cried, I screamed. He didn’t care. He bent each one backwards slowly. Relishing my sobs of pain.

 

“ _ Next time you defy me, it’s won’t be just your finger I snap. _ ”

 

It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have resisted. This was punishment. It’s all my fault. It’s my fau-

 

“ _ Shall we continue? _ ”

 

I was 12. I was a child. I couldn’t have known. It’s not my fault. You have to know that. It’s not my fault!

 

I nodded.

 

The knife began carving my leg, blood pooling around me as shook.

 

“ _ It’s your fault. You brought this upon yourself.” _

 

I let out a choked sob. It’s my fault. All my fault.

 

“ _ You’re nothing but a mistake.”  _

 

The knife moved to my collarbone, tracing the line of my throat before cutting into it.

 

_ “Your mother is dead because of you. You killed her. You’re a monster. You don’t deserve to be loved. Killer.” _

 

He’s right. I’m a monster. I killed my mother. She’s dead because I’m alive. I don’t deserve anything. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. 

 

I didn’t know. I was 12 years old. But it’s all my fault. You have to blame me. You have to hate me. It’s all my fault. All my fault. I’m a monster. You should hate me. You should be scared of me. I should be scared of me. It’s my fault. My faul-

 

It hurt so much. The dull blade tearing through tissue and nerves. I cried with relief when he stood up, taking the knife with him. 

 

He kicked me. I heard something crack. I heard him laugh. I curled into a ball, convulsing. I don’t know what happened. All there was was pain. It was too much. I welcomed the shadows as I blacked out.

  
My fault. It’s all my fault. Al̴ļ m̷y ̶fàult͝.̧ H͠e ̧l͠ies. T̸his wasn̕’̀t͠ ͏supp̨ose̢d ̀ţo ha̸pp̸en. I͜t’s m̴y͘ f̸aul͘t.  I͢ ҉̸w̕a̢͟͜s̵̢̧ ̵o̢̢n̛͡l̴͝ý ͏1̵̷2̴.̧͢͡ ̶I͏͏ ̷̷w̴ą̨͡ś ̡͞oņl̕y̸͠ a̸̧̧ ̷͜ch̷i̶̡͝l͘҉͝d̨͠͝.́͘ ̷I̧ ̧͟d̷̀͘íd͘͟ń̷̸’t͝ ͡͝kn͜ow̸.̀ ͞I͢t̡̨͜’͝͏s̛ ͜a͜ĺ͡l͏̛͘ ̡̛͝m̢̕y ̷f̨̢҉au͏͠lt͡. ̶͝I’̸̵m̷̛ ̴̵̛á ̡m͟͠o̸͠n̨͘s̴̨͜te̸̴r̸͟. ͢͠Y̕ou̡͡ ͝s̵̀h͏̀o̕͡u̶̢l̛d̵͝ ҉̴be̡̨͜ ̵s̵c̷̢a͘͝͏r̴͟͝e̷̢҉d̀҉ ò͞f̶͜͞ ͝͝m͡e͏͏. ̧M̸͘u̢͜͟r͏d̡̢͜ere͢r͢. ͠͏K̸͢i̢̕l̴̀͞le̸͞r.́͡ ̧Ę̵͡v͞il̵̵. Į sh̵̛ơ̸ul͞d͢ ̧͝b͡͏e͟ ̀͡s̀͝c̶ą͜r̵e̡͟d̷́ ̀of̵͢ ̢̀͠m͘͝e.͡҉ K҉I̧҉LL̢͘̕ ͘̕M̷E̛! ̵̴̶KI̸̴͢L̸͜L̷̸̷ ̛M̶͢E҉!̧ K͏I̛LL̢͞ ̧͟M̀E̷!̸ ҉̶̡I̛͏͟T̵̶͢'S͢ ̛A̷͏LL̸̵ ̶͜͟M̛Y̷ ̷͝F͏A̶͘͟U҉́L͢T̨͞!̷͠҉ ̵͟K͝ÍLL̴͜ ҉̡MÈ̶͢I̡̢͓͎͔͙͈͡t͜͏̬̟̯̝ͅ’̴̧͕̱͕͡s̜ ̲͈̦̙̝ͅa̝̣͎͇̦͜ḻ̵̫̦͉̺̪͓͞l̛̙̜͜͞ ̛̙̦́m̦̟̼̯̯̙̭͎͞y̵̭͈ ̱̭͚͖͎̫̮̣f̷̲̳̣̹̮̠á̵̢̮̪͕̙͉̬u͏̴̹̖͖̟̺̘̜͚̗͡l̴̗͚̗̬͉͜t̶̬̜̞͚̘́.̵̼͢͞ ̨̱̝̹̼̕͝I̭̻̬͈̰̩ ̷͢͏̰̠̰̗ͅk̷̛͓̘̦̙̖͙͎̪̠ị̡̞̹̙̗̘̦͎ļ̸̼̹̹̥͇̪̺͍l̪̕é̬͇͈̜̭̠͢ḑ̟̫̻͉̺̰͕̜͡ ͏̖̙̳̟̯ḥ̲͉̀e̖̞̪̣r͔̫̲̩̖̗͎̕.̦̟͞ ̧͓̟̯̘̰̹͘I͍̮̯ ͚̳͉̼̗̳̹d̴̷̢̲̲ḛ̴̗̱s̹̭̳̯̪͝e̶̢̨̻͚̣̻͚̬̱̼͎r̙v̪͡é̥̥̲̬̳̪̺̗̀ ̜̩̘͍̝͉̯̳͇ț̗̞͓̘͙͟h̼̫͓̱̠͍̯̱̟͜į͢ͅs̷̨̲͞.͉͞ ̳͕̜̰͚͓̼̀͞K͚͖̥͚̫i͓̜̝̤̟̼͡l̦͎̳͙͕̮̺̬l̢͙̼̝̰͖͎͕͠ ̷̝̙͘͞m̵͔̤̼̭ͅe̵̘.̨̘͖͕̣̪̝̲̫͜͞ ͘͏̫͈̜̺̳̪̫͔K̲̘̦̲̯͡i̝͔͈̖̼̬̕l̸̶̠̦͡l̵̝̥͖͟ ͉̩̟͕̖͎͕́͢m̶̰̯͈̱̖̭̰e̬͈.͈̩̝̩̀ ̷̠Í͈̖͈͔͍̙̰̕͘’̡̦̠̻͕̲̜̯̥͜m̢̛̲͔͉̳ ͎̺̳͠a҉̪̝̠̤̳ ̶͓͢m҉̶̭̪͔̳͇̝̪̤̼̀o̸̱̻̱͙͉n̟̦͇͉̲̠͠ͅs̡̞̰̕t͉̰e̷̘̣͖͎͍r̨̹͖͇̥.̢̠̬̙̜̖͖̗̥ ̧̩̣̱͕̯̘̤̳I̯̩͚ͅ’͖̼͓͇͍͕̼̺͓m̴̧̩͕͕̤̜̭͓̮̝ ̷̮̼̘͍̣̙͜a̷̯̮̳͢͞ ̢̙̦͞m̥̭̠͢i͏̨̬̤͡s̴̰̞̮̪̲̕͢ţ̮̞̺̤͖̕ͅa̧̝̥͔͉̹̻̫̕ͅk͏̘͔̫̖̟̘͓ͅe̴̬̥̱͢.̷̰̩̤̜̞̜͟ ̷̵͙̱K͕̖̭̪í͇̪̗̪͍̼l̴̖̙͉ļ̴͇͇̹͝ ̦̱̱m҉̠̳͞ȩ̡̯̖̭̱͖̳͞M̛̞͍̜̭̤̯͟ḙ̸̳͉̥͉̬̪́.̵̖͎̘͎̤͢ͅͅ ̷͏̥̙̹̙K̥̘I̦̤͇͘L̶̨̘̠̯̻L͏̢̻̠ ͍͈̤͓̹͔ͅM̭̟̱̪̣͙Ḙ͓̙̰͕͇͜.̶̷͇͖̹̭͟ ̧̛̺͇I̱͔͙̳͎̹̮̲͡͝T̥͎̣'̪̼̰͍̥̼͚s̜͕̤̣̝̝̀͞ ̧̻̟̗̠̘̹͉ą̙͇̠̤̘L̢̨̯̘͘L̵̯͍͚̖̯̖͍ ̶̢͇̖̣͍̠̙͉͟ͅM̶͚͖̘̳̖̬̙̟͟Y̲͕͈̩̗̼̯̕͜ ̵͎f̷͕̱͟A͘҉͔Ú͖͚́Ḷ̛͇̲̰͇͟ṭ̝͈̮̪̕͞.͕̳͕̗͈̼̳͚͕ ̡̪̙̦̀K̲̼͎̰͔͈̫I͎̼̬̺͚̩͈̙͢͡Ḻ̷̥͎́L͟҉̝̞̯ ͅͅM̨̧̜̹͎̫̹̪E͇̼̬̺̲̞͞. I̡̲̺̝̣̦̟̼̩̙̜̙̤̖̳͚͟ ̸̷̳̟̣͎͢͠d̶̘̝̟̕i̤̼̝͉̘̭͈͖̖̹̩̙͈̳̘͢͜͞ͅḍ̡̪͔͓͔͠n҉̸̡̢̜͈͈͍͕̼̞̰͕̦̘͇́ͅ’̨̩̙͓̟͍͙̺̞̱̕̕͝t̸̵̶̸̛̲͙̤̰̠̠̬̰ ̴̵̷̴̮̭̩͈̣͖̥̭̹̳̹̹̹̤͓k̮̝̱̠̲̰͔̮̯̯̭͉̻̰̩͜͡ņ̭̬̲͙̱͓͇̀́͘͢ó̧̬̜̳̯͇̣̙͙̥̀ͅw͏̳̗̙̫̭͚͓͉̰͞͡.̴̧̙͕͕̬̘̱̖̦̖̝̮̳̖̥̻́͘ͅ ̴̛̯͍̮̖͉̪̟̭̥͙̘͇͍͘Ì̩̺͈̗̣͕̝̰̮͇̩̞̫͔̩̥̞́ͅ ҉͏͝͏̹̟͙̝͔̫͓̤̳ͅd͏҉̶̣̘͈̟͕̹i̷̖̰͈̫̦͇͕̣̠̰͕̲͚͖̣̱d͚̳̱̤̮̼͈̮͓̝̦̠̹̼͇̖̹̯̞̀͘͢͟͡n̶̮͎̲̖̤͙͕͙̭̭̹͢͟͟’̸̻̰̠̱͠t͚̥̰̺̪͢ ͏̬͔̣͎̞̤̞͓̯̘͚̗̝̥̀k͜͏̷͎̠̭̪̲̬̜̖̯͝n҉̶̶̡̠̬͔̘̹̲o͈̼͚͈̘͕͚͕̯͙̙̬͠w̛̰̳͕̣͎̣̺̜̳̯̗̗̳͕͞.̷̸̧̝̣̻̯̥̖̦̯͈̥̙͖̗̺̖̀͜Y̷̵̪̰̥̼̣̠͍͔̣͇͉͘͟͡ǫ̸͚͔͉͈͔̟͚͎͇̭̞̼̲͍͎̼̖͜ͅų̛̗̰̬͇̀ ̵͎̞͇̥͚̩̻͍̖͎͇̣͜͢͟ć̡̰͚̩̼̕̕ą͚̝̭̞͓̳̹͔̙̜̫͉̩̪́͘͜͟n҉̕͏̙̯̠̮͜’̶̸̲̻̫̘̮̘̥̩̫̜̭͖͙̞̮ṱ̴̨̺͖̭̲̗͈̺͔̭͇̀ͅ ̷͇̜̮̦͡͡b̢҉̷̜̞͚̞̣̠̱̠̳̤͔̩̞̙̙ļ͙̲̠͎̫ͅa̸̮͙̰̺̲͓̜̺̠̻͔̯͖̣͠m̶̡̤̖͇̩̱͎̝̲̩͢͠e̢͞͡҉̝̟͎͔͍̼ ̵̴̩̣̺̹̱̬̠͍̙͓͙͖̥̳͍̫̘͘ͅm̸̸̡̭̱̬̤̜̜̙̹͜e̶̶̝̦͕̰͘͟͟.̸̶̜̥͎̳̤̣͉̭̺͓͝I̸̱̝̥͚̘͎͔̪̬̤̙̳͚͜͟͝ ̶̖̮̘͎̣̤d͏͔̮̳͖̥̟̫̼̭͕͎͚̺̱̮̲͍͚̤i̡͏̮̗͇̪̼͈͈̞̠̞̳̯̰̫̘̤͖̼d̵̦͕̭͎̼̰̱̗͇̩̘̬͠n̶̵̷̵̥̦̥̹͉̲̜̮̜̫̹͉̠̖̰̠͍̦͞ͅ’̷̴̫̬̲͍͈̜͘t̶̡͏̵̪̱̤͓̀ ̷̷̭͙̼͇̻̗̜͖̝̤͖̹͖͎͜k̶̢̨̥̬͇̫̤̺̯̣͇͙̠̝͖͉͡ͅn̡̡̜̖͇̩̖͖̖̲͜o̵҉̢̱͙̘̦̹͓w͕̬͙̗̮͢͝.̵͉̲͙͍̳́̀͢ ̴̸̱̳̱̥̘̫̳̠͉̮͕͎̩̲̯̞̤͚I̸̴̞̺̞̳̮ ̧̦̞̩̹̯̱͕̟͇͡w̡͖̩͉̤͎̼a̸̛̳͎͙̥̲̘̩̮͘͞s̶̡̛͕͇̯̣͘͝ ̴̴̡̥̜̲͎͈̯̫͕̳͍̫̝͕̬̺́͝o͏̷̛̦͔͇͈̳͔͕̼̮̰́͟ǹ̷̻͚̞̤̥̺̭̀l͡͏͚͙̞̝̭̻̜̹͔̙̩͉͚͉̘̲͔͘͘ͅỳ̰̹̘̜̱̩̺̬͟͢ ̢̛͖̰̯̫̝̬͚͓̹̝̻̦͢1̵̵̛͇̝̲̪̘̪͉͉̭͍̙́2͏̷̷̛̝̬̤̭̦̘̲̲̠̞͖͙̳͇͎͓͔ͅ.͏̥̟̗̦̼̙̗̣̤̱͍̟̰̫͝ ̧̢̗͎͔̞̞͎̝̲̻̻̭̖̙͈͎̰Í̢̺̩͇̣̪͞ ̷̛͉̤̹̰̣̭̟͎̥̪͉͇̫̤̮̝͠d̶̢̠͓̮̹̯̤̤̺͈̝̻̘̗͈̩̜͜i̤̳͍̪̮̮̪̫͍̫̟̭̲͚͟͠d̛̥̗̹̭͠n̨̹͔̣͙̰̟̜͚̗̹̰͟’̵̴̶̯̭̫͚͠t̶̢͈̦̝͙͓̕͟͝ͅ ̩͕̮̙̤̬̙͓̭̰̭̟̬́͜͞k̶̷̩̮̲͎̥̺͕̝͍͔̗͙̫͙͔̳̱̝͡͞͝ͅń̴͉̮̹̞̱̟̖̫͈̺͉̭̺͚̱̘͓͠͠ͅo҉͏̷̫͈̟͓̪͓̠̺͇͉̪͝ͅͅw̸̶̵̨̱̺̦̳͎̞̳̗̠̝̹̖!͏͟͞҉̗̯̺͓̹͎̮̲͓̰͔͙͚̩ ̶̡̡͈͉͇̩͈͚̗̹̠͇̲͔̘̗Ẉ͇̤̲̼̞͓̙͕̻͔͎̰͢͝͝h̶̢̜̟͖̮͟y͏̬͓̫̀̕͟ ̛̤̠̥̮̹̗͎̰͜ḑ̜̭̭̮͙̀́͠i̷̺̫̖̖̝̜͎̟͚̰̣̘͈͢͞d̷҉͎̮̞̠̜̝͖̝͚͖͞ ̷̨̧̬̥̳̙̩I̸̵̶҉̢̰̻͈̪̱̻̭̹̟͉̖͓͙͓ ̧̬̜̯̰̲̱̭̤̘̦̱̣̱̀́͢ͅd̷̨̛̝͉͎̬̼̤̜̭́͝o҉̪̖̘̩̯͎̙̞̹̀͞ ̶̷͈͓̜̣̀͢͢t̸̡̤̼̼͟͡͠ḩ͈͔̩͎̕͠à̛̪̱͔̳̹̰͉̗̩̹͘͜t̶̨̧̹̦͈̻̗̥̙̻̖.́͏̴̭̭̟̺̘̺̲̺̳͍͎̲͔ ̷̣͉̼̮̟͇̮͡ͅW̬̠̳̤̪̥̺̺̰̙̥̮̙̥̺̜̣͖̕ͅh̢͕͙̼̭͙̰̮͉͘͟͟͟ͅý̶̸̟͖͓̣̟̲͓ ̶̢͓̠̳̦͖̦͚͈̕͠ͅd̢͓̰̼̯̞͕̤͎̙̜̰̯̼͘͠i̵̙̤͔͎͉͙̫̥͉̭̙̰̣ͅͅd̕҉̖͖̻̙̮̠̺̗͖̦̹̠̭̗̩͇͟Í̶̢̘͓͈ ̴̭̟͍͍͇̰̩͈̝̪͈͉̞͍̬̀t̛̖͉͇̯̻͇̜̕͜r͏̧̰̮̤̦͈̠̥̞̦͙̲̠͓͔ṳ̸̡̘̼̠͍̰̺͇̫͍͕̬̯͓̝͘ͅś̴̷̠̳͉̦̗͢͞ͅt̶̹̞̪̪̳̜͖̞̠̦̮̺̺͓̗̟̟͔́͘ ̢̪̙̥̰̙̲̘̫̼̹̗̻̜͓͚͡͝͡͝h̷̲͔̫͎́̀͢͠ị̶̶̧̣̮̦̰̲̟̥͇̹͍̫̻̲͘m̸̡͕̱̱̣̳͞͞͠.̶̫̠̝́ͅ ̷̧̜͉͔͡ͅW̢̛̠̘̬̠̗͡h̵̡̧̠͍̣̟͝y̧͇̱͈̩̜̗ ̷̢̗͙̹̩̟̪͔̙́̀d҉͏̶̯̗͖̭̦̞͖̯͎̲̺͖͉͓̜̲ḭ̸̷̹̞͉̮͙̠̭͜ͅd̢̡̖̞̬͖́͡ ̬̮͍͙̟̳̤͔̮̠̪̣̳̬̩͎̣́͘Ì̴͖̯̘̟̞̣̰͜ ̢̞͔̘̹̖̲̼͘͜͢l̶̰̘͙͕̩̦͍̹͢è̡̧̻͖̥̮̳͚͉͖̣̳̥͜͞t̡͟҉̷̟̘͎̰̻̹͉̙̝͉̥̳̭͉͈̭͇̣ ̵̢͡͏̟̰͙͉̹̙̜̻͖̭̲̭h͠҉̷̛̯͎͎̞͕͚̗̹̳͇͖̱̜i̶̧̻̖̱̮͇̝͘͠m̴̀͜͏̬̭͓͚̳̙̼̘̺͎̤̻̝͉̹̤̲ͅ.̸̨̡͙̘̠̳̭͔͇̮̥̜͖͍̫̀ ͙̼͙͈̣̖̻͇̙̻͘͢͜W̵̴̤̬̺̻̥͙̘̠͎̦̕̕ḩ̸̦͎̠̻̮̦̦͙̻̪̟̼͙̣͓͞͝ý͉̟̼͕̭̼͇͎̺͎̫͕̼̘͉̫͔͜͠ḑ̳͈͇̰̩̤͙̲̤̤͓̪͕̼͢͢ͅͅi̵̡̪̖̮̞ḑ̶͈̜̫̲̦̭̤̘͢ ͏̭͈̬̟̜̝̫͍͕͈̻̗͚͠ͅÌ̵͡҉̗̺̳̣̠̭̩͓̺̭͉̯̝̣͔̞̻̟ ̷̵͔̘̺̜̰̩̦͎͓͔̙̫͓̣͙̦̪̺͘͜ͅd̷̷̵͈̗͎͖̺̠̤̀͞ͅǫ̪̪͚͙̥͔̻͍̼̺̠͝͡ͅ ̵̭̠̣͓͎̭̤̝̠͚̩̻̭̦̲͈̼̫͢t̵̴̪̹̹̕ͅh̥̣̩̦̼͎̹͈͖̀͘͟͝à̧̛̟̦̲̮̱̮̕͝ͅt̵̹̩̪̹̩̲̺̮̼̦̤̘̗̹̖̲͕͙͞.̵͇͖̙̦͠͠͡ͅ ̴̷̯̦̥̣̞̞̙̗̥̗̤̰̳̻͡͠I̶̞͇̮͘̕͜ ̛̜̦̰͉̬̠̘͕͕̀͘͠d̡̛̗͍͙͍̼͉̘̪͕̪̮̞̣̕͢ͅͅi̸̴̧̘͎͚͇͡d̖̰͉̗͉̯͈̰͉̫̳̩̱̹̪͚̣͙͈͠n̵҉̥̤̟̙̟͙̝͖̣̬̱͙͉̼ͅͅͅ’̴̶̶̕҉̺͈̝̹̯͓͖̱͇t̢̼͉̜̼̲͓̣͉͔̪̥̟̗͙͟͠͠ͅ ̡̥̹̪̮́͟k̶̟͔̫͍̜͚̯̰̦͈͙͈͘͟n̕͏̪̟̳͓̯͍͙ó̺̖̞̗̙͓̬͉̱́̕ͅẁ̡̘̦̹̦̫͙͕͓̤̗̭̱͙̝̤͎͓̖͞ͅ.́͏̡̡̞͍͙̬̬͡ ̕͟͏̹̤̖̝̟͈͎̯͕̟͘͟ͅY̶͞͏̲̰̲̜̬͇̖͕̙̼̳̯̝͕̥̮̲͉ͅo̶͟҉͙̩͇̖͇̺̳̻̙̰͠u̵̧͓̳͉̙̯͇̲̘̩̥͕̼͖̫̻̟̕͘ ̷̛͏̸̯̲̬̩̺̥̙̳̟͚̬̳̙̪̥͙͙̻c̸̷̢͙̜̖̝̯͓̹͓̫̯a͏̞̲͈̤̦̩̟̤̗͓͈̀͟͢͝ͅͅn̸̴̨͙̯̻̪̥͖̮̹̲͚͞ͅ’̨̩̘̜̟̤̮̀͠ͅt̨̨̨̥̮͔̫̦͉̗̯͓̭͚͈ͅ ̷̬͓̫̩͎̮̙͈̙̙͉̝͓̫̙̲̺͉ͅb͟͢͏̯̼̠͕̬͚̀l̷̵̡̝̻̖͔͢a̴̛̺̞̣͔̹̩̫̝̩̥͙̱̠͈͍̭̹͔m̷̴̡̱͎͖̘̺̞͠ͅè̵̼̪̩̤̝̳̼̯͘͞ ̧̙͎͓̮̝̪̗̜̣͕̲͔́͝m͏҉̨̹̯̯̳͝e̷͏̡̪̹̲̫̳͈̗̱̙̣͟͡.̸̡̻̥͍̻̭̯͉͉̜͎̰̖͇͇͜ͅP̴̛̘͖̻̖̩̺̺͎̹̀͠͡l̕͏̷͙͇̞̟͡e̸̗̺͔̭̠̕͢͜ą̹͔̱̳͍͖̝͉̮͙̱͇͕̳͚ͅͅs̢̨̢̥̫̘͉̞̀͝è̤̱̹̙͈̘̻̼̤͙̼̀̕͡.̸̭͎̣͉͚̣̤̺̖͈̲̳͍ ̧̞̲̝͟͢͠͠ͅÍ̵̸͔̪̟̯͈̦̲͉͚͔̪͓͉͉̯̪̪̭̥ ̛̻̣̠̺̮̘̜̭̠͇̥͡͞ḍ̲̱̳̮̼̯̠̳̳̻̲͓̭̤̘̙̝͘͜ͅi̫̯̞̰̼͉̗͈̱̲̩̣̱͍̺͔̥͡ͅd̡͢͏̭̟̯̬̼̝̥̜̱̩̣̘̩̪̫̲̥͈͍͡n̢̡̺͇̤̹͢͢͠ͅ’̵̷͏̴̜͍̦͕̖͕̦̥͚̦̣̪̜̮͕̘͙t҉̸͈̤̗̯̪̫̙̩̖̤̪͍̞̝̮̩̰̱̞́̀̕ ̡̛̠̥͎̗̮̗̬̪̝̟͍̱̭̫͈̬̬͖̯k̸̭̘̘͖̗̝̥͓̙͡n̶̡̢͔̥͙̠̬̞͈̬̜͈̻͙̣͈͞͞ͅò̧̘͙̮̪w̸͈̱͇͇̰̲̝͓̰͠͠.͏̷̜͎͚͍̟͠͝ ̡̪̱̩̳͕̥͓̯̘͉̣̱͓̣͡͝͞Ţ̵̗͙͇̻̖̬̭̞͍̻̻̭̬͉͕̝́͟͡h͏̴̹͍͔͕͎̕ͅí̶͔̳̮̭̝̩̦͙͘s̵̢̢͇̮̼̠̥͙͚̰͔͉̘̰̻͙̲͉ͅ ͏̨̨̦̲̣̜̥̺͖͎͙̫̭̦̯̲͎͕̕̕ͅw̧͍̗̰̹͔̯͕̱͙̤̬͞͝a̵̛͉̗̬̻̟̰̱̼̤͈̯̭͞͡ş̷̢̘̬̳̱̳̤͈͔͚̺̥̜̳͍̪̰͎̲͓͞ń̛̬͓̥̻̜̭͓̲̻̺̪̦͢͠’҉̴͇̺̝̜̠̦̟͎̰̀͟ț̨̡̛͔͕̘͉͓̰̻͖̗͖̀͢ ͏̢̯̺͍̙̜̘͚͔̼̹ś̵͖̤̣̲̝̮̩̪̟̙͖̙̣̦͖͢ͅú̷̼͕̞ͅp̵̀҉̺͍̼̙̘͙̹̝̤p̢̦̯̞̪̠̬͉̯͍͓̳̳͇͎̀̕͘o͠҉̼̻̪͙̹̥̪͕̩̥̰̺̤͖͖͖s̛̮͍͎͎͉̘̖̼̤e҉͜҉̶̤͕̖͖̫̪̠̘d́͜͢͏̤̬̤̝̞̪̹͠ ̴̛͏̳̰̖̭̰̬̙̀͟ț̴̸̶̖̲̞͚̜̮͉̙̝ơ̜͈̻̙͉̖̗̮̹͠͠ ̶̢̢͖̮̗͉̪̩̩̣̦̜̰̕͜h̶̨̢̟̞̰͚͉͟ͅͅa҉̫͎̲̱̦͖̠͎̦̞ͅp̷̖̣̻͇̠̱̜͙̗̱̝͈̫̙͘p̨̘̞̰͎̝͇̟͕̙̕̕͟e̸̷͕̝͖͚͔̤̼̮̗̠̤͔̰͇͉̞͉̗̕͢n̶̶҉͚̞̜̻͓̗͚͔̖͎̮̦͇̩͚̹̥̺.̨̢̫̥̗̻̰͖̩̺̪͖͎̯͕̦̹͡ ̧̛̻̤̥͍̤͎͖̰̘̘͟͡Ḥ̪̟͈͓͉̬̺̫̦̲̳̝͔̖͙͡͠ͅe҉̢̜͈͚̹̤̳̮͕̤͖̱̱͕͈̠͎̜͟͞ ̵̢͖̼̤̙͎͇̱͢ş̵͚͙̲̤̰̗̣͍̰̗͈̖̜̕̕͡á̮͈̱͍̟̦͍̘̀͡į̴͉̘̳̱͎̩͉̹̞̪͎̭̞̘̥̝̮̺͘ͅd̛҉̮̦̦̞̖ ̸̵̤̫̱͎͎̺̩̤͓̬̮͍̹̮͡͞I̢҉̡͠͏̞̬̣͖͙͙̟̞͙̙͙͈͓̯͍̖̼̫̬’̷̡͝͏͈̲̥̯͕̹͈̞̟͓ḑ̴̷̞̹̣̘̩̮͔̼̬̗̲̗̰̙͖̹̫̯͖͜͜ ̨̡̘̺̭̙̝̤̭̺̣̙͖͇̙͘b̴̷̹̮̫͕̲͖͖͎̱͇̝̙̝͓̭̟̠̮́͡e̸͏̯͍̖̳̝̱͍̙̟̲ͅ ̴̨̢̨̤͈͓̪̗̱͔̝̞̺̤̺̫̰͕̠̠̫̦͢f̴̴̢͉̰̣̹̣̫͖͈̟͚̹̯͓̖͖̞̠̺͘i͙̯̱̭̦̖̗̯͢͠͞n҉̪͍̣̼̭͉̯͖̪̀̕è̵̤̝̹̝̺͚̖̥̰͓̘̘̻̗͟͡͞.̡̨͍͕͖͓̦̳̝̱̣̟̮͚͓͘ ̶͏̠͚̖͔̹͔̩̻͔̯̪H̵̢̼̞͕̫̩̹͙̱̙͈͇̣͚̠e̢̼̟͎͈͢͠ ̧͘͏̛̲̦͓̭̮ͅs̷̸̻̻̟̘̗͓̻̤̺̦̹̯͔͈̦͢a҉̷̝̠̤̜͇i̧̙̣̫̟̭͢͡d̵̸͖̘͖͙̼̠̦̀͡ǹ̻̳͙̹̯̞̯̙̬̰͍̘̟̭̀̕͢ǫ̤͙͈̹̤̠͍̙̭͉͇̙͠t̡͈͕͙̪͍̲̻̪̼̼̤̀ ̷̝̹͔͈̺̲̣͉͉̠͍͢t͏̳̥̖̻̠͍̖̲̙͜o̴̴̡̢̱̘̗͉̦͟ ̷͖͖͍͕̬̼̮͈͉̗͝ẉ̸̧̝̞͎̯̳͉̦̠̦͚̱͎̫̱̪͜͠ͅo͏͏͈̘͈̹̺̞̖̤̗̼̮ͅͅŕ͚̰̱͖̟̩͍͔͖͔͖̜́͜r̷͔̣̮̯̻͖̗̝̠̠̪̻̪̙̬̲̕͜y̷̢̬̞̟̪͢͢͝.͏̰̳͇̻̘̞̰̲͉̝̤̰̫̟̝͎́͡ ̭̣̘̳̪̼̟̞̘̟̪͔̮̝̘̞̜͡H̨̲̯̜̻̥̯̠̩̮̹̠̰̯͘͟͟e҉́͏̢̼̞̙͇ ̛̱̜͈͟s̸̛͖̩̮̳̭̘̝̜͟ͅą̟͚̝̪̟̺͖̰̦͎́́͜i̸̢̢̖͈̪̳̜͖̥̘̳̠̥̮̟̦͈̝̗͠d̸̡̢̟̯͓̩̪̻͝͞ͅ ̨̗̣̞̬̠̖̠̦͉̙̹̤͕̦͞ͅņ̷̶̥̪̠̞̜̼͚̥̩͚̼̺̦͖̲̝o͏̩͎͈̬̟̹͕̘̤̬̫̬̰͚͙͓t̟͍͇̦̫̀̀͘͠h̶̸̡̠̮̝͖̀͢ì̷͖̲̩͉̳̯̘̥̮̱̬̭̠͍̱̺͉̥͝ͅn̛̲̳͕͈̱ͅg̢̛̼̲͙̭̦̲̀͟͝ ̴̱͓͇̬̫̭͖͙͝b̷̵̧̟̮͙̕͝ą̶̨̠̞̜̗͔̮͈̫̪̻̙͓͙̝̀ͅͅḑ̫͙̰̻̦̝̩̫͖̻̳͙̝͔ ̴̠̱͔̳̦͙͓̱̣̬̠̦͕̗̯̝͢͟ẃ̪̳̗͔̀͘̕ͅi̩̙̞̼̬͔͇͈̫̹͓̺̗̠͎̫͞l̡̨̥̺̼͈̘͉̪l̶̴̨̦̮͚͙̖̻̗̭͈͝ ̪̳͔̜̜͖̘͇͈̙̠͇͕͍͕̼̞̳̭́͘h̷̨҉͇̫͙̰͈̦̻̠͎̫̰̤̟̘̠̞a̵̻̜̩͍̺͉͓̩̗̞̫͓͠p̡͚̮͓͍̠͙̺͙͕̞̠̜̮͙͙̯͍ͅp͘͏͝҉̼̜̥̝͎͓̣̣̹̣͚̗̮͙̝̞͖̲͕́é͘͘҉͓̞͓̻͎̞̺͈͓͇̹͉̻ͅn͎̗̩͠͡.̴̢̡͓͈͕͚͙̲̰̻̯̺̖̙ͅͅ ̨̡̨̝̱̣̫͉̘̦̟͜T̶̪̬̲̯͕̞͖̪̖͉͇̦͓̟͙͈̼͝h̷̸̵̹̮̰̩͙̬̲͇̗͚͔̥̯̕̕i҉͔̱̪̤͙̦̕͡s̴̨̨̢͈̠͓̩͠ ̵̡̖͇̦͚̰̬͙͎͍̜͇̘̻͞w̷̶҉̼̙̼͉̬́͘ͅa̸̩͚͔͔̜͎͉͇̦͍̭͍̥̕͝ͅs͠҉͏̪̬̙͙̝̭̩̟͡n͏̧̨̗̹̻̬̹̮͕͕’̧̨́͠͏̮͕̪͚̱̤͉͚͍̫͉̠̫̦̞͔ͅṱ̨̨̟̭̺̭̪̮̳̱͕͉̰͟͢͜ ҉̨̨̫̩̘̱̯̮͈͚͎̠̻̞̭͚͓̜͕͇͜͡s͓̼͍̯̪̘̳̲̖̬͔͘ͅù̱̪̣̝̘̝̤̖̣̳͈́͡p̴̨͈͔͖͕̩̤͈̲͍͓̦̙͝p͠҉̡͏͇͇̦͓͙͙͉̬̬͖͞o̸̴̧̧̲̺͙̟̜̪̲͇͕̩͚̰̮̱̰̼̼̜͢s̸̸͚͎̩̝͎̼̩̣͖̟̠̲̰̤̀̀e̸̢̮͙̺̝͕͢͢ḍ̞͎̖̥̬̤͇̰̻̲̜̩̦̜͕̬͢ ̨̧̜̬̮̭̲̙͕̩̪̥͍͕̘̯̹̘̲̕t̷̬̥͇̦̯͖̙͓̞̲̼̯̘̖̥͖ͅͅọ̯͈͇̰͔̳̳̟̩̤͙͉̬̕͘͡͡ͅ ̴̵̙̩̪̞̼̻̳̜h̷͓̻͈̱̝̙̼̜̮͜͜ą̴̴̳̣̦͎̪̜̩̠̱̤͈͎́͟p̙̩̝̣̤̝̰̠̯͓̺͙̺̀̕ͅp̛̱̖̣̥̭̣̠͔̀̀͠é̢̧̜̗̼̹͈͎͓̩͖̥̝̼̗̟͕͙ͅn̶̴̨̞̙̝͓͕̞͈͕̺̰̠͈̙͟.҉̶̭̼̱̬͖͚͕͕̖͍͕̙̦ ̷̰̜͎͍͕͔̫̹̼̘̟͍̦͎̟͎̞͍̕͞I̵̵̹͎̗͕̮̥̪̣̹͖͓͝ ̻̙̹̯̫̣̱̲̪̬̼̲͉̘̣̲͠w̶̠͎̼̬͓͖͍̥̪͔̤̣͘a̴͘͏̱̲͖̣͙̗͚̦̮͖̙͈ͅs̵̠̗̥̲̰͟ ͇̝̝̻͇̖͎̘̣̥̺͍͚͓̯͟ó͏̷̝͈͈̤͜n҉̶͍̗̜͕͉͚̳̺͝ͅl̷̛̩͙̹͎̣̣͚̥̟͝y̷̸̨͕̦͈̹͕̼͈̭̹̠̟͟ ҉̲̝̗̗͕̹̕1̷̳̪͈̗̯͖̘̳̞̪̙̙̠̳͙̜̥̺͘2͏̶̡͚̘͔͓̮̪̺͉̩͔̲̦̳̰̹̦̙ͅͅ ̕͏͏̬̺͖̻̝̻̠͔͕͍̟h̶̨̠͇̲͙̗̝̲̫̬̠̥̯͞ơ̗̬͎̝͠͠w̛̮̞͍̺̳̰̜̯͉̩ ̵͉͎͎̯̼̲̠̟̬̜͇̟̪̯͡ç̷̘̝̟̟͡͠o̶̸̧͉͍̮̠̲͎̙̼̺͎̭̥̞̝̘͈͚ṵ̵̢̰̦̩̙͍̼̼ḷ̢̻͖̝̭̘͇͙d̵̷͓̝͎͖̠̪͖̼̤̬͍ ̨̯͓͕͖͚́͟I̸̡̨̜̩̘̼̮̤͉̥̞̻̝̗͝ ̧̛͇̙̜̞̹̲h̛̻̺͇͡a̴̴̹̟̭̥͖̟͇̼̟̞̲͕̹͕̦͉̮͟͞͞v̷̕͏̻̤͓ȩ̸̶̣̥̪̟̯̻̖̮͈̘͉͍̟͉̰͘ ̨̟̳͍̻̕ͅk͙͓̠̬̻͉̭͙̻̲͕̱͇̘͜͜͜͡n̸̗͖̳͕͚͔͈̞͍̦̠͓͎̯̙̘͠ǫ̤͎͎̙̯̻̠̗̜͖̞̩͔̲͟ͅw̛̺͙̪̩̖͖͓̰̼̱̪̩͙͜n̛͘͏͎̣̼̻̰͉̮̦͉͓.̸͙̹͖̬̲̥̼͕̟̤͘ͅ ̵̪̪̪̙̝͖͓̀͞I̴҉̶͏̜̠̠͉̻̗͇͇̣͎̮̥̹̮͓̥t̙̠̠̼̱̣̪͚̼̀͠’͏͔̤͚͚̠͔̪͜͢͠s̶̝̩̭̦͇͜͞͡ ҉̷̳̖̼̘̰̮͉̖̙̣̘̠͖̝̰̗͉͘͢n̜͇͙̫̰̜̺̬̼͚̦̮̝̱̺͇̙͞͞ớ̦͇̮̯̣͓͓̞͢͞t̸̨̛̞̠͎̹̬ ̵̢̡̤̩̠̮̯̺̖̙m҉̺̗͍̝̣̫y̢̺̬̰͟ ̴̸̸̨̛̖͚̬̺̘̪͍̰͚͎̹̼̜̰̰f̴͙͇͉̹̕͜á̴̧̦̣̙̙͙̬͕̱̘̞͘͡u̴̴̵͙͚̲̗̭̞̪͇̜̳̯͍̦̰̠̕̕ļ̩̩̺̬́͟͟ṭ̸̳̜̩̼̣͔̻̞̟͕̩̙̦̞͈̻͕̕͟͠.̢̺̪͙̹̤̖̳͞ͅͅ ̟̜̼̘̘̙̺̹̠̟̭̟̗͚̼̘̟̙́I̶̸͎̝͓̪̲̹̮̺̫̩̹̦͖̩͎̥̥͜͝ͅͅt̤̣͍̼̭͘͟͜͡’̸̶̜͎̤̬͚͇͚͓̝̻̺̺͎̮̣̩͠͞ͅͅş̪̝͙̥̩̝͓̙̫̺͈̬̲͉̼̻̜̥̀ͅ ̴̵̛͙͔̹͉͍̖͢ņ̛͏̭̹̲̗͇̪̱͍̳͚̺͚̝̻̜̮͘o̴̢̪̰̠͈̠̹̯͙͖̲͎͎̞̭͕͚̭͍̱t̗̝̺̲̫̲̞͔͖͙͎͔̤͉̙̘̲̻͘͟ ̡̡̛̩̜̮̬͍͎͖̲͉̺͈̘́ͅm̷̗͉̣̤̫̭̺͚̰̥̯̞̜̥̪͇̪̀͟ͅy̡̬͚̠̞͕̮͚̭̘̟͜͡ ̨̡̘̪̝̱̞̯̭f҉̢̨̮̺̺̳̯̀ą͘͠͠͏̣̠̫̤͉͉̬̖̜̺̹-̡͡҉͏̬͕͇̥̼̱͎̠̺̗̭̠̻͕ ̴̧̢̣̯̤͇̬͔̀͘K͏̝͚̲̙̣͉͚̣̭̺͚̳̦̦͕̼̠͜I̷̤͈̫̬̞̦̟̖̮̜̦̕L̶̤̬̝̘̭̩̹̺͚͞Ĺ̡͏͔̠̱̣̪̺̻̭̞̮͇̪͔͓̞͎͖̼̲̕ ͔̺̥̺̜̜̠̕͠M̟̪̟͍̼͘͢E̵̛̛̯͙͖̩̻̰̖͖̝͇͓͍̰̦̝


	13. Broken

_“Did you lose someone? Someone you loved?”_

I laughed bitterly.

“I am 124 years old, of course I’ve seen people I loved die. Lots of people will point out that I’m not that old, I can’t have seen too many of my friends die.”

I shook my head.

“But they all died young. None of them died naturally of old age, surrounded by the people they love.”

I grit my teeth, holding back tears.

_“Where any of them… significant others?”_

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

“Aidan, my first love. I fell head over heels in love with them. It all happened so quickly. Giggles and blushes, kisses on the cheek and holding hands. We weren’t supposed to be together, we had to hide it. It made everything feel so exhilarating, sneaking through windows, passionate kisses while we hid. We’d lose track of time, hands exploring each other, trying to remember everything as we murmured I love you’s into each other’s lips. We promised to be together forever, no matter what happened…”

I trailed off, a tear running down my cheek as I took a shuddering breath.

“We were in bed together, our clothes strewn about, cuddling sleepily as we tried to get our breath under control. They walked in. He tried to tell them it was his fault, his idea. He told them not to punish me. But… but they made me watch as the light faded from his eyes… They threw me into a cell, I don’t know for how long. I learned to tell time by when they came in and…”

I screwed my eyes shut, tears streaming down my face. Sniffling, I brushed away the tears.

_“I’m so sorr-”_

“Then there was J-” My voice broke, tears streaming down my face, “Then, there was Jem…”

I had to stop, forcing myself to keep from breaking down.

“I met him after I…. after I had escaped. I thought no one could love me. I was broken. I was a monster. But he… he did. He let me come to him slowly, not forcing my walls down. Slowly, I let him see the parts of me that were broken. It just took his touch, and… and I didn’t feel so broken anymore.

He never forced me to do anything I wouldn’t want to do. He’d hold me close, humming soothingly while I would apologize, crying. He said he still loved me, he never wanted to hurt me, he didn’t blame me for the past that left me so broken. I felt safe in his arms.

One day he brought me to where we first met, smiling and laughing, asking if I remembered. I giggled, holding his hand as we walked around. He said he needed to ask me something, I froze, anxiety and fear flooding through my veins. But he looked at me lovingly, getting down onto one knee. The ring he had got me was perfect, he knew exactly what I would like. An intricate black band with a beautiful amethyst set in the centre. How could I say no.”

I paused, vision going blurry as I teared up.

“It wasn’t sadder because we were together longer or we were engaged. I mean, it was, but what made it so much worse was-”

I gasped shakily, tears running down my face.

“I…” My voice shook, “I had… I had to kill him…”

I let out a choked sob, my whole body shaking. I was gasping for breath as I sobbed, my body curling in on itself.

_“I’m so so sorry… Do- do you worry the same thing will happen with Nyx?”_

I took me a while to control my voice enough to speak, even then it was raw and shaky.

“I don’t think anyone could kill Nyx,” I closed my eyes again as a fresh wave of tears slid down my face, “But… I know they’re going to make her kill me…”

* * *

I left a note, scrawling it out in a rush as I cried.

_“I need some space. I need to get away. I’ve been hiding so much, I’ve been lying. I’m sorry. I can’t face any of you right now. I’m so sorry. Please understand.“_

I wasn’t thinking clearly as I ran. I didn’t pay attention to the direction or distance. I just ran until my legs gave out. I sobbed, curling up on the ground, holding my wedding ring close to my chest.

It took forever for me to stop crying. When I did I hated myself. I had run away. Run away like a child because I couldn’t handle it.

I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let them see what’s become of me. Branching antlers clawing out of my skull, pupils becoming slitted, ribs becoming visible from how thin I’ve become. The antlers grow more and more each day, glowing runes spreading further and further. Each day I feared looking in the mirror, feared a new horrible change in my appearance. _I’m a monster._

Using all my strength, I pulled myself under a tree, tail wrapping around myself. I lay there, broken and weak, tears streaming down my face. I tried to dig through my pockets, to find a charm to let me teleport home, to let me teleport to Nyx. I couldn’t, my body refusing to move. My eyelids were too heavy to keep open and consciousness to difficult to keep hold of. I gave into the darkness, relishing the break from the nightmare reality has become.


	14. Warp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3rd person POV

Something inside them made them hesitate. They didn’t need to do this. None of it needed to happen, but…

They wanted it to.

“Hello~” They grinned, eyes twinkling.

The man looked up, meeting their eyes. He looked puzzled, but as he stared into their eyes, his pupils dilated.

Bingo.

“Um…” He cleared his voice, “Hello, how may I help you?”

“You don’t recognize me?” They feigned hurt, expression falling.

“I, well…”

They stepped forward, hand coming up to caress their cheek. They could feel his pulse quickening.

“It’s me Cecilia.” Tears pricked at the corner of their eyes, “Do you really not remember me.”

It just took a light touch to the temple for false memories to begin entwining with his.

“Cecily…” He smiled fondly, “My love, whatever are you doing here?”

They eyed the window of the shop nervously, biting their lip.

“I-,” Their voice broke, tears spilling down their face.

His hand came to brush away their tears, worry evident on his face.

“Dear, what is it.”

“That man…” They glanced back to the window, staring at the figure in the deserted street.

He was struggling against his bonds, blindfolded and gagged. A thick rope digging into his skin.

“Which one?” His eyes were scanning through the crowd of people.

“The one with the dark hair, with blue eyes.”

He looked at the figure, his expression going dark.

“What did he do?”

“I- I can’t tell you… He,” Their breath hitched, “He’ll kill me…”

He gasped, eyes wide.

“Please… darling…” They pleaded, “Do me a favour?”

“What is it my love?”

“Kill him for me…”

He looked at them, eyes narrowing.

“What?!”

“Kill him.”

“I can’t! It’s wrong! How dare you ask me such a thing!”

His pupils contracted, eyes clearing. They clenched their teeth, cursing quietly.

“You need to leave! Don’t come back!”

They began crying false tears, and leaned in to kiss him.

“Please,” They murmured against his lips.

When they pulled away, his face was wet with their tears. His eyes were blank, staring off into the distance.

“Anything for you dear.”

He began towards the door, and exited into the streets. They watched with amusement as he weaved his way around non-existent people. He finally stood in front of the man who was tied up, kneeling.

They could see his mouth move as he yelled at him, hand grabbing the hilt of his sword. Giggling, they watched as he struggled to fight the air. The man in front of him had begun to cry, shaking from fear.

He pulled the sword from his sheath, expertly slicing through the air, and cutting across the man’s throat. Blood gushed from the wound, the man falling over. Satisfied, the blade was resheathed as he headed back to Vyrian.

“Did I do well my love?” He asked.

They cupped his head gently, staring into his eyes fondly.

“Yes, darling.”

They twisted sharply to the left, holding him up as his body went limp.

“You did excellent.”


	15. Tranform

I was ripped from sleep, screams scraping my throat raw, back arching in pain. I had never experienced such raw pain. Every nerve in my body was on fire, every atom of my being engulfed in earth-shattering pain. My body began contracting violently, sweat plastering hair to my forehead. In my seizing, I fell from my bed, landing hard on the floor. I was sobbing, unable to do anything as my muscles jerked painfully.

My mouth opened wide, skin and muscles stretched painfully tight as I screamed. I could feel my jaw open wider, edges of my mouth ripping from the tension. Blood flooded my mouth, I gagged and choked on it, struggling to breathe. To my horror, my teeth began falling out, landing in my pooling blood as I tried to spit them out. I tried to close my mouth, but in doing so, something sharp tore into my lips. Long needle sharp teeth were forcing their way through my gums.

I didn’t know what was happening, why it was happening, what was causing it. All I knew, is that I was going to die.

A new scream ripped its way out of my lungs as my legs were suddenly in an ungodly amount of pain, even worse than before. The bones breaking, reshaping, skin tearing, muscles ripping. I was able to move a shaking hand down to touch my thigh, my stomach dropped as I felt the skin peel away under my touch, raw muscle and nerves completely exposed. I could hear a ear-piercing noise echoing through the room, it took me a while to realize it was my sobbing screams.

My vision began to darken, body shutting down from the pain. I was afraid if I let myself go, I might never reawaken. But I was powerless to stop it.

—

I did reawaken… I wish I hadn’t.

I knew something was wrong the moment I opened my eyes. I was aware I was naked, lying in a pool of my own blood, but. My body wasn’t mine…

I had no control… except….

I LIE

TH҉ĘY͡ L͜I̛E

W̶͚̼͜Ȩ̞͇̤͕̮̲̩͞ ̼̫͕̠L̺I̡̤͍̟̪͚̪͘͠E̛̘͎̜͜͠

I pulled on an old robe, staring into the mirror.

I’m a monster…

Ý̴̤̺͓͝O̸̷͍̯Ų̮͢ ̱̰͖̕L̡̠̯͜I̭̗̙͡ͅE̢͇̱͓̱͔͉̤̘̗

I hate who I’ve become…

Y̖͡O̹̭̹ͅU̸̧͙̼̙͙ ͏̡̢̼̝͖̲͕Ḽ͈͟I͙̯̩̘͖̰͞E  
̷̭̩̟̩͚̱̹͖̘͝  
͔̮̣͈͎̕͘͡Y͈O͏̱͕̳̜̀U ̖̰̦̻̜̮͜H͈̻̟̠̥̖̪͟A҉͕̱T̸̟̗͙͔̠̘͉̩͓E̩̤̮͎̤̭͖̻D̞͙̻͖̰͚ ̘͍̦͍̦͉͙̲̼͡W̧̫̼͓̺͕̼͞H҉̴͎̭̝O̦̼̠̠͖̟̘̤͟ ̺̜̰ͅY̴̨̖̺̪̝͙͙O̡̝̫͜͟U̫̣̪̗͖̘̳̺ ͈͚̣͟W̢͍̯̰̼̙̺̕É̼̰͞R̴̞͕̺̤̫͡ͅȨ̸̲

I’m a prisoner in my own body…

Y̶͎̬̫͝Ọ̲̱̞͙͞U̘͈ ̸̝̱̖̠̫͜ͅĹ̶̡̖̹̜Í̬̦́E͚̖̝̠  
̲̲̞͞  
̜̦͡Y̜̳̖̳͍̯͡O̷̢̦̰U̶̫̻̖͖'̟̼͟Ṟ͈͍͘͟E̵̷̝̻ ̘͉̱̠ͅF҉̨̥̹̮̼̭̲͚R̛͏̧̻̻̱̦͚̞̠E̢͙̼͜͡E͙̙̙̼͈͞

I’m not in control…

Y҉͇̱͉͖O͉̫Ư ̷̗̤ĻI̺͕̺͙͔E̸͔̟

“Vyrian?” Nyx’s voice called.

I need her help, she would understand.

ST̶O̹P͙͓̹̗̭͇̞ ̦͍̦͉̟͈L͖̣͝Y̦̟̫̤̭̻ͅI̫̦͓͍̞͟N̢̘G̫

“Vyr? Are you okay?” She was outside the door.

I needed her help.

“L͠͝E̡̕AV̛͠͝E̡͞ ̨̨͏M͏É ̨͠͏A̷͢Ĺ̴Ó͘N̕͝͡Ę̡!”

“Vyr?” She opened the door slightly.

My hands grabbed my bow, notching an arrow. No, why? I didn’t want to do that.

Y̢̦͈̳̞̤͔̱O̼U҉̝̭̲ ̤̝̠͈̼͚͖Ḻ̻͟Ḭ̧E

I would never hurt her.

“D̵ON͘'̀T͠ ̸C̵ƠM͜E ͟ANY C͏LO̵SER̵!”

“Vry…” I could hear her worry, “You’re scaring me…”

Y͖̬͙̩̣Ǫ͖̲̬̗̣̳͍U̺͓ ̮̖̀Ș̸̱̞̠H̴̝͙̯̘̗O̗̥̫U͔̦̺̪L̜̝͔͖̠̭͜D̤̙͉̟̳ͅ ̘͚̺͇ͅBE҉͖̬̖̬͇ ̬̥̝S̩͠C̵̥̻̦Ḁ̥̣͝R͖͘E̗̺D̶̯ ̮̮͙͖O͓̰̝F͇͖̣̱̻ͅͅ ̭͇̟̲M̹̫̫̩E̹̥͝

… I should be scared of me…

I’m not in control, this isn’t me.

Ỵ̹̯̖͔̫̲O̢̟͔͙̖̘̦U̸̜̖̹ ̬͚̣L̪̠̦͕̻͈̻I͈̻̗͚E̜̜̖̙͙̠͎͟

“I know you won’t hurt me Vyr…”

I don’t want to hurt you…

Y̨̥̗͍̜̘͉ͅO̤̥͍Ṵ̪ ̝̙̦͟L̴I̯̥͔E̬̩̪̠͘ͅ

I pulled the bowstring tight, aiming at the door.

… Please no…

“DON’T ́COME̵ ́A͢NY C͝L̨ǪSE̷R!͘”

She opened the door.

“Vyrian…”

“VYR͟IAN͝’S NO̕Ţ H͟E҉R̸E ͏R̨IǴH͢T҉ ̕N̨O͡W̵”

No! My name is Vyri-

M͍̙̕Y̫͈̦̙͈͙̦͞ ̼͍̬̜̲̰̪N̷̳̱̝Ạ̙̖̬M̺̞̼͖̥E̬̦̺̺ ̱͇̦̦͈I͖̻͇̪̥S̭̺͖̜ͅ ̱C̰̙̗͇͢H̺̫̝̟̖̟ͅA̞̦̼͕̼͎O̞̟S̺͖̕

She took a step towards me, but I didn’t shoo-

Y̷̰̠̪̙͖̖O̕U̟͔̜̣ ̧͔L̵̫͙̻̱̯̲I̶͕̙̹E

I meant to miss, I would never hurt her.

Y̡Ó͉̼̰̹̣̘ͅṴ̙̦̱ͅ ̹͉L̴͔͎̭Į̝E̜͝

I let the arrow fly, but it would never find it’s target-

Y͈͚OU̸̜̞̲ ͖͇̮L͚̯̫̳̦I̸̠͉͈E̮̺͍̘̜̩͟

I̛̼T ̪AḺ̵̪̣̻͖̲W̦A̢̦͖̯̬͇͉͕Y̲̖̦̰̬͉̙S̫̖̩̗̲ ͜D͍̘O̧͙E͔͠S̡̮͍̺

She fell to the ground in slow motion, I felt-

N̠̮̭̝̝̻̟͝O̹͍̻͓T͓͔͉̥̰̰͟H̯I̥̦̱̰̻N̲͕͉̹͙̥G̡

When I knelt by her, I cried. I have to explain, she has to know it wasn’t me…

Y̡̙̺͔̟̫͔O̮͉̥͍̯̟͎U͓̺͚̼͉ ̹͈̘L͏͍̦Ḭ́E̪̣̥̰̻̯̪

 

I ran, I was a coward, I never looked back. I never saw her again.

Y̸͚̠̯̻̎͘ Ő̱̩̝̩̙͉̊́͗́ͅ Û̻̱̂͗̄̽̍͡ ̛̠͈̰̂͐̏̍́͠L̷ͯ̽ͦ͗̊̔̀ͣ̐͏̬̦͔̹̺̗̲ I̶̫̫͖̣̣ͤ̑ ̜̊ͥ͊̋̌ͦĖ͖̥͈̘̫ͨ̽


	16. Chaos Journals

How long has it been journal? A day? A week? A month? A year? It feels like this has all been one long nightmare, and that any moment now I’ll wake up in her arms. But. I’ve been informed decades have passed.

I wish I could tell you what’s happened between then and now, but I don’t even know. My memories and perception of reality are unreliable. Not much has happened, that I can remember as of now. Despite the passage of time, I have changed very little. Time marches on without me, and will long after I’m gone.

The world, however, has changed drastically. The continent has suffered severe flooding. Where there once were vast deserts, are now small lush islands. I couldn’t tell you when it happened, I just suddenly became aware I was surrounded by water. After aimless wandering and sailing, I rest on an island, and decided to try writing again. Perhaps it can help keep me sane. Though after what’s happened, it may be a long shot.

~~I’ve been alone for so long, I’ve hardly spoken since…~~

There are new clan leaders, few mortal from what I can tell. I’ve watched from a distance, as they build up bases and delve into research. One, who I have yet to learn the name of, noticed me and waved. It was such a simple gesture, but it had become so foreign to me, I didn’t know how to react.

Our own Aeneas is gone. Well. The Aeneas we knew, at least. There is an Aeneas around, she looks similar to the old. Except this one is a werewolf, rather than a vampire. She looked at the others strangely as they asked about the old Aeneas. She claims to be the only Aeneas, and has never been a vampire. Not that it matters anymore.

Most of us have changed very little, not mortal enough to age visibly anymore. While I am much the same, I look much older. I’ve lost weight, to the point where bones are visible through my skin. My skin itself, is covered in thick uneven scars and cuts and bruises. Despite my eyes lacking pupil or iris, they still look empty and distant. There are always dark bags under my eyes, the only time I sleep is when I pass out from drink or injury. Yes, I am reckless and destructive, but I was never the one who keep myself from that.

_Nyx….._

Nyx had always been my anchor. The thing that kept me tied to reality and mortality.

She’s still around, she will be long after I’m gone. I’ve been avoiding others for that reason. If I run into someone I know, they’d be sure to tell her. I’ve found myself thinking about her lately. What’s she’s done since… and what happened afterwards. She had to have been shocked, betrayed. She loved me with her whole heart… and I shot her.

A part of me keeps saying she would understand. She’d understand if I went to her, if I explained.

That’s the problem… _That’s the problem._

She’d forgive me, wouldn’t she. That’s the kind of person she is. But she can’t… she can’t… I don’t deserve to be forgiven, I don’t deserve to be loved. I’d just hurt her again.

She needs to hate me. She needs to hate me. She needs to be afraid of me. They need to hate me. They need to hate me. You should hate me. You should hate me. You should hate me. You should be scared of me.

* * *

The voices have started again. They never leave me alone.

_Heartless. Monster. Abomination. Liar. Whore. Mutt. Murderer. Traitor. Demon. Mistake. Puppeteer. LIAR._

I screwed my eyes shut, trying to block them out.

_Freak. Half-bred slut. Killer. Psychopath. It’s all your fault. You’re a danger to everyone. Nobody can love you. Who could ever love a monster. You deserve to suffer. Cruel. Heartless. You’re just like him._

“I know!” I screamed, voice raw, “… I know…”

I pulled at my hair as they keep echoing through my head, tears running down my face. I blindly searched through my bag, pulling out a bottle. I had traded some ore for a couple bottles of alcohol. I gulped down half of it before I stopped for air. The villager was right, the stuff was very strong. I kept drinking until my vision swam, and my body felt pleasantly numb.

_Maybe I’ll be able to sleep tonight._

I stumbled under the shade of a tree, curling up as the sun began to set. I felt myself begin to fall asleep, but my stomach growled. I was starving, but I had little food. I also hadn’t been able to feed in a while, since I’ve isolated myself. I don’t know how long I can go without a feeding, before I start to die. I hadn’t gone this long without a one, and I could feel the effects. Lethargy, hunger pains, slow healing, faster aging.

As I drifted off to sleep, a part of my mind worried that I might never reawaken. I embraced the idea. My last thought before giving in to the fatigue, was that I didn’t care if I woke up again.


	17. Photograph

The picture was worn and slightly discolored. In the picture, I was sitting on the edge of temple, one foot dangling in the water. Even though I was wearing my robes and mask, I could see a soft smile. I tried to remember when Nyx had taken it.

* * *

_Eyes closed, I listened to the sound of the water and the trees. My breathing was slow and steady, mind pleasantly blank. I could hear the soft lapping of the water, the slight rustle of the sakura trees, the quiet hum of energy from the infusion altar. My brow furrowed as I heard a small click._

_“Vyrian…” Nyx’s voice pulled me from my reverie._

_“Hmmm?”_

_“What are you thinking about?”_

_I laughed softly, smiling, cracking an eye open._

_“I was trying to meditate. It’s hardly this peaceful now and days, so I thought I would make the most of it.”_

_She made an embarrassed sound._

_“Sorry… I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I can leave…”_

_I opened my eyes fully, looking at the sunset._

_“I don’t mind.”_

_She sat next to me, “Are you sure?”_

_I leaned into her, nuzzling her neck._

_“Yes.”_

_She wrapped an arm around me, holding me close as we watched the soft orange sky. I quickly found her other hand, lacing my finger with hers. I smiled against her, eyes fluttering closed slightly._

_“I want to remember this forever.” She sighed contentedly._

_I hummed softly, pressing a soft kiss to her collar bone._

_“E dajy uai” I murmured sweetly._

_She smiled, “I love you too, Vyr.”_

* * *

Moving the first picture, I looked at the next picture.

I was covering my face, blush visible despite my mask. Shoulders hunched, leaning against a bookcase.

* * *

_“Vyr!” Nyx sang._

_Putting down my book, I looked over to Nyx. She was holding a small camera, pointed at me. I made a high pitch noise, blushing and hiding my face._

_“Nyx….” I whined._

_“What?” She grinned, feigning innocence._

_“Don’t take a picture of me!”_

_“Why not?” She pouted._

_I whined again, peeking at her between my fingers._

_“Why do you even want to take a picture of me?” I mumbled._

_It didn’t make sense why she would want a picture. People had always hated my looks, everything about my appearance synonymous with monster._

_She leaned against the bookcase next to me._

_“Can’t I have a picture of my beautiful partner?”_

_“ ‘m not beautiful…” I grumbled._

_She grinned._

_“Yes you are. I love how you look.”_

_Prying my hands away from my face, she looked into my eyes._

_“I love your eyes…”_

_She tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear._

_“I love your hair…”_

_She ran her thumb over my cheek._

_“I love your freckles and scars…”_

_I whined, hiding my face in her shoulder, blushing more._

_“Shut up…”_

* * *

The next photo had the same bookcase in the background, taken shortly after the previous.

* * *

_She brought a hand up to my face, bringing my head up from her shoulder. Looking into my eyes, she smiled. A hand moved to the back of my head, playing with the knot of my mask. As it loosened, it fell from my face._

_“I love everything about you, you’re beautiful…”_

_My cheeks heated up again, avoiding her eyes._

_“Especially when you blush…”_

_Tilting my chin up, she leaned in to kiss me. I grinned into the kiss, wrapping my arms around her._

_“I love you…” I murmured against her lips._

_I was too absorbed in the kiss to notice the flash of the camera._

* * *

The next photo was in low lighting, making it hard to make out all the details. I knew it was taken earlier than the other photos.

I was sleeping, bare skin hardly covered by a blanket. My hair messy and falling in my face, mask tied haphazardly.

* * *

_I felt the bed dip, a hand brushing the hair out of my eyes. I leaned into her touch._

_“Vyrian…” She whispered softly._

_Something in her voice made my stomach drop, I opened my eyes nervously. She lightly pet my hair._

_“Vyr…” She paused, “What are we?”_

_I made a questioning noise._

_“I mean… I doubt you’re like this for everyone.”_

_I thought about it for a moment._

_“Do you… like me?” I questioned, voice thick with sleep._

_“Yes…” She admitted, voice weak._

_I closed my eyes, “oh…”_

_She shifted nervously._

_“It’s okay… um… I understand. I didn’t mean to make this awkward or anything,” She began standing up, “I didn’t expect-”_

_I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her on top of me. A surprised noise fell over her lips as she found herself flush against me. I rolled so I was on top, straddling her thighs. Leaning down, I pressed my forehead to hers._

_“Idiot…” I murmured sheepishly , “I like you too.”_

_She grinned, hand pulling at my mask. I shivered, there was always something so intimate about it. As the mask fell away, I kissed her passionately, trying to tell her without words how much I loved her._

* * *

My hands shook as I saw the last picture.

Aeneas had taken it. Me and Nyx were standing, holding hands. We were looking into each other’s eyes and smiling. I was in black robes with gold trim, Nyx in pale robes. We both wore the golden laurel crowns Eire had given us. If you looked closely, you could see our newly exchanged wedding bands.

I didn’t realize I had crumpled to the ground until I felt the cold ground against my cheek. Tears streamed down my face, body wracked with silent sobs.

* * *

_I paced the small room anxiously, pulling at my robes. My stomach was in knots, I could hardly breathe. I ended up climbing some shelves, finding solace in the perch._

_Willow knocked on the door, entering quietly. She was confused for a moment, looking around wildly until she spotted me._

_“Vyr… You okay?”_

_I hide my face, whining slightly._

_“I just- I don’t know- it’s-”_

_I whimpered._

_She pulled at my legs, encouraging me to leave my perch. On the ground, I started pacing again, unable to keep still. Willow grabbed my arm, making my stand still._

_“Do you love her?”_

_“What?” I asked incredulously, I thought it was obvious I loved her._

_“Do you love her?” Willow asked again._

_I paused for a moment, shifting. I knew I didn’t say it often, that I loved her. Words were never my strong suit. I always showed her I love you in a different way._

_I panicked slightly, blurting, “Yes… a lot…”_

_I paused again before trying to explain my feelings, “She makes me smile, she keeps me from slipping, everything about her is calming and beautiful. There isn’t a language in existence that conveys just how much I love her. I could say ‘I love you’ everyday, but it still wouldn’t be enough…”_

_Willow grinned, handing me the ring._

_“Then go tell her that._


	18. Numb

“Is ten Red Matter enough?” They asked.

I nodded, “Sounds good.”

They smiled, revealing their fangs. I had met them while wandering, a vampire living in a small castle on the coast of an island.

I handed them the candles they had asked for.

“Sweet, thanks mate.”

They gave me a small pouch with my payment. I opened it to peer inside.

“I threw in some extra drugs as well. If you want more, we can always set up another trade.”

“Swofnz. Hdyozily kaefr xizefyzz qesw uai.”

“Anytime.”

* * *

When I returned to my base, I walked over to my blood altar, checking how much blood was in there. I sighed, not enough.

Pulling a few vials from the pouch, I inspected them. Picking a few randomly, I downed the contents.

The effects were immediate, energy surging through my veins, pupils dilating, breath quickening. My veins were buzzing tauntingly. My shaking hands found the hilt of my knife quickly, bringing the blade down on my wrists.

I watched the blood pour out and into the altar with fascination. I sliced my wrist again, more blood pouring out. Instead of feeling weak from blood loss, it filled me with energy.

_Stupid little child._

I looked around wildly for the source of the voice. Another voice echoed through my head.

_Slice your wrist again._

I complied, without thinking, making another cut parallel to the others.

_Deeper. Longer. Cut more. Again._

I saw no reason to object, cutting deep into my forearm.

I could see the pale white of my bone sharply contrasting the red of the blood around it.

_Good, keep going._

That was the last thing I remembered, before everything became dark.

* * *

I woke slumped next to my blood altar, vision dark and blurry. I tried to sit up, but my head spun, I fell back to the ground, head hitting the stone hard. Turning my head to the side, I retched, emptying the contents of my stomach. I hadn’t eaten in weeks, so what came out was mostly stomach acid. My throat burned, foul taste burning into my taste buds.

I looked at my wrists, they were completely raw, covered in deep slashes. Some scabbing over, others still bleeding. Many of the cuts were wide, revealing bone and muscle beneath the skin.

While lying there, I found myself spacing out, unable to keep my eyes focused. A shiver ran down my spine, and I suddenly realized my arm was jerking. I tried to grab it with my other arm, but I couldn’t move it. I couldn’t move at all. My stomach dropped, as I realized what was going to happen.

My back arched as my muscles started to contract violently, my vision going white. I don’t know how long I was out this time.

* * *

When I woke this time, I noticed a small pool of blood around my head. My head hurt like hell, I brought my hand up to the side of my head. Cringing when I felt raw flesh peeling away from my scalp.

Tears streamed down my face, as I lay on the ground, broken and bleeding. Drugs, alcohol, and blood loss while I hadn’t slept, eaten, or feed in weeks. I couldn’t move, my body screaming in protest whenever I tried to move.

“…help…” I cried weakly, but no one was around to hear.

I was faced with a difficult decision, lay here and die or get help. Death was so tempting, to be finally free of all this pain. I pulled the chain out from under my shirt, clutching the ring on it tightly.

With what was left of my strength, I grabbed a piece of paper nearby. I dipped a finger in my own blood, scrawling out a simple message on the paper.

_HELP_

I folded the paper slightly, muttering an incantation. The paper disappeared in a shower of small purple sparks. I slumped back down against the stone, curling up in a ball. My body shook as I sobbed and prayed it wasn’t too late.


	19. Bottom

I was jerked into consciousness as someone picked me up. I tried to protest, but I was too weak to do anything. I made a small noise.

They sighed, “I don’t think you’re in any sort of state to be protesting help.”

I growled, but didn’t protest further. Letting myself be carried. Their steady gait lulled me back to sleep, I nuzzled against them, grateful for their warmth.

* * *

I hissed, eyes fluttering open as I felt someone pull off my robe.

“Relax,” They said, unperturbed by my outburst, “You’re clothes are covered in blood and dirt, I need to clean them.”

Even if I tried, it’s not as if I could do anything. I let them take off my robe, making an indignant noise while they did so.

“I’m sure God will forgive you if you take off your clothes for medical treatment.”

“ _…Gods_ ,” I corrected weakly “and shouldn’t you at least buy me dinner first…”

They laughed, “You must be feeling a bit better, since you’re cracking jokes.”

They helped me into a small bath, washing my body and hair clean of it’s grime. The water was warm and soothing, and I sighed, relaxing. Afterwards, they helped me into clean, dry clothes, which were a bit big on me, but I hardly minded.

I lay in a bed as they started to stitch up my cuts. I hummed softly, eyes lidded.

“I was in a similar situation with her…” I mumbled softly, remembering.

“Hmm?”

“I had summoned my brother, and he messed me up pretty bad. Nyx found me and brought me back to her place. She healed me, and I ended up curling up against her and falling asleep…”

They chuckled, “Reckless, even back then I see.”

I smiled slightly, then yawned.

“Try and sleep, it’ll help you feel better.”

I fell asleep quickly.

* * *

When I woke, it was dark out. I was still only semi-conscious, everything had a dream-like quality. I was in a bed, when I rolled to my side, I saw they were also in the bed. I still didn’t know who they were, but I didn’t care enough to find out. For a while, I just watched their chest rise and fall slowly. Soon, feelings of desire stirred, and I stared at them hungrily.

It had been so long, I was so hungry, and they were right there…

Perhaps it was my hunger, or delirium from injury and drugs, or maybe it was just my recklessness.

Moving over, I straddled their thighs. They startled awake, looking at me incredulously.

“What are you-”

I quickly pulled off the oversized robe, revealing my bare skin. Leaning down, I kissed them passionately, hand cupping their cheek. They kissed back, but after a bit, they pulled me away.

Their cheeks were flushed, pupils dilated, pulse fast. Despite that, they kept their voice steady.

“What are you doing?”

I guided they hands to my thighs.

“I need this…” I breathed, desperation clear in my voice.

They hesitated.

“ _Please…_ ”

They tangled their fingers in my hair, pulling me down into a heated kiss. I moaned against their lips, pressing myself into them. They rolled so they were on top, mouth moving to kiss down my neck. They sucked and nibbled at my neck, grinning against my skin at the small noises I made. They bit down lightly on my shoulder, I arched my back, loud moan tumbling over my lips.

They smirked, biting down again, this time harder. As they bit up and down my neck, I became more desperate. Whining and rocking my hips frantically. Kissing down my chest, their teeth grazed over my nipple.

I inhaled sharply as the familiar energy began surging through my veins. I pulled at their shirt, whining, I needed more.

They were more than happy to deliver.

* * *

Afterwards, They kissed my neck tenderly.

“Does it hurt?”

“Does what hurt?” I asked curiously.

“The bite.”

“Oh.. uh, not really.” I shrugged, still unsure why they were asking.

They nodded, pulling back. We lay for a while in silence, until they finally spoke up again.

“So what are you planning on doing when you get home?”

I shrugged, “Dunno, really. Maybe work on some magic.”

“Are you working towards something? What do you plan on doing in the long run?”

I laughed, “The long run? Yeah right, I won’t make it even another year.”

They propped themselves up on an elbow, looking at me curiously.

“Why?”

“I don’t have long term plans. I’ll probably kill myself before the next snowfall, so enjoy me while I’m around.”

“Are you joking?”

I shook my head, “I have a great supply of alcohol and drugs, plus blood magic helps me get a reward for cutting myself. If all that doesn’t kill me, I have other ways.”

They clenched their jaw, and turned away.

“What?”

“You’re just going to throw your life away like that.”

“Why not? It’s my life.”

They turned back, eyes wet and full of anger. Their hand suddenly struck across my face. My eyes were wide with shock, I brought a hand up to touch the stinging flesh.

“Goddamn you.” They spat, storming out of the room.

Hollow. That’s what I felt. Hollow. Devoid of any emotion, even as tears rolled down my cheeks. I fell back against the bed, eventually falling into a fitful sleep.

* * *

I finally awakened fully as the morning sunlight streamed through a window. There was still the faint buzzing of energy flowing through my veins. I grinned, sitting up.

I was alone in the room, They were gone. My smile faded as I remembered fully what happened. When I turned my head, I winced. I rubbed my sore neck, and paused. There was what seemed to be a deep bite, too large and deep to be left by human teeth. I shrugged it off,  and picked up a small note next to the bed.

_As fun as last night was, it won’t happen again. I thought at first, saving your life was a good idea, but I know now it was wasted energy. Know I won’t be there to fix you up when you inevitably self-destruct again. I hope you’re happy, hurting everyone who cares about you._

I stood up shakily, and went over to pull on my clothes. While I dressed, I thought about what they had wrote. It was true, I would self-destruct again and again, wouldn’t I. I got lucky this time, and someone was saved me. But I don’t have that lifeline anymore.

Rage boiled inside me. I ran home, angry tears falling down my face.

* * *

When I got back to my base, I went immediately to the blood altar, checking on the blood levels. There was a good amount. While standing there, I thought again about what they said. I tried to think logically, to cool my anger. They were just trying to help me,  weren’t they.

 _They were trying to hurt you,_ A voice whispered in my ear.

But they saved my life…

_They hit you, and threatened you._

Wasn’t that because-

_They were manipulating you. They just wanted to use you. Enjoy your company, then toss you aside._

I covered my ears, falling to my knees. I tried to remember what had actually happened, but I was no longer sure what was real.

“Stop! Stop messing with my head!”

_Don’t you remember how mean they were. How could they mean you anything but harm._

They had hurt me…

Another voice joined the other.

_You can’t trust someone like them. They were trying to trick you._

I nodded, still covering my ears.

_The stitches. You have to take them out._

_Yes. Take them out. They put them there to hurt you._

I lowered my hands from my ears, looking at my wrists and the stitches.

_Take them out! You have to!_

_Yes. You must do it quickly!_

Hysteretic voices began overlapping, _take them out take them out take them out take them out_

Anxiety rose in me, escalating to a panic. My pulse rabbit fast, whole body shaking.

Kneeling over the altar, I tore out the stitches frantically, reopening the wounds. Flesh ripped, the wire digging painfully into my fingers. When the stitches were all out, I realized I had been crying. It was only then I felt the pain, burning and overwhelming. I let out a choked sob. I shot up, stumbling over to where I kept my stuff.

I didn’t pay attention to what I took, I just needed something to stop the pain. I accidentally grabbed the blade of a knife, and hissed, skin blistering and burning. I ignored that, downing the vials. My vision blurred after I swallowed. I grimaced at the chemical taste, and drank some ale to get rid of it. I walked slowly back to the altar, body heavy. I realized this was just what they said I would do. I let out an angry cry, pulling at my hair, rage now directed at myself.

My vision darkened and swam, knees buckling. I suddenly worried about what I had taken. My muscles were becoming lax, limbs losing function as the drug worked its way through my system. I needed help. I was scared and broken.

I fumbled for a sheet of paper again, this time grabbing ink. I struggled to move my fingers as I wrote, and blood from my wounds dripped onto the paper.

_Do you remember, when you found me half-dead from demon venom? And you brought me to your island so you could heal me? I told you I was fine. But I wasn’t._

_Do you remember, when you asked me if I had seen him lately? And you asked if he’d been hurting me? I told you it was fine. But it wasn’t._

_Do you remember, when runes started appearing on my skin? And antlers coming through my hair? I told you everything was fine. But it wasn’t._

_Do you remember, when you knocked on my door, asking if I was okay? And that I was scaring you? You said I wouldn’t hurt you. But I did._

_I said I didn’t need you. As I ran away. I said I didn’t need you. As I cut my wrists. I said I didn’t need you. As I drank until I passed out for days. I said I didn’t need you. As the voices returned and took control._

_But I do…_

I looked over what I had written, eyes struggling to focus.

_What did you do!, a voice hissed._

_Don’t send it!_

The voices surrounded me, invading every inch of my mind. Screaming at me, telling me not to tell her. I felt their hands grabbing and pulling at me, I curled up into a ball.

With a numb hand, I scrawled one last thing on the paper.

_MAKE THEM STOP_

I slurred the incantation, tingling numbness already spreading to my tongue. After the letter disappeared, I gave in, body going limp. I couldn’t feel or move anything, even as their hands and voices tore at me.

I just hoped, that when I woke, I would be in a better place.


	20. Sentiment

I coughed, expelling fluid from my lungs. I jerked upright, cracking my eyes open. I didn’t recognize where I was.

A soft hand brushed wet hair out of my face.

“It’s okay… You’re okay…” She whispered.

I let out a shaky sigh, leaning into her touch.

While she dried me off, she tried to ask me questions. She started with broad questions.

What happened, why it happened. But I stayed silent, staring off blankly.

She tried to ask about what I’ve been doing, where I’ve been, how I’ve been doing. But I couldn’t answer those either.

“Your hair…” She murmured, “I haven’t seen it like this before…”

Running her fingers through it, she smiled.

“I like it.”

* * *

The room was quiet as I lay curled with Nyx and Willow. They were both asleep, but I couldn’t will myself to fall asleep.

I carefully untangled myself from their arms, slipping out of the bed. The floor was cold under my bare feet as I wandered through the lab. Eventually, I found an exit.

I flew into the night sky, inhaling the fresh air gratefully. Touching down on the mainland, I quickly found the portal. The prickling sensation of teleportation running down my spine. When I opened my eyes again, I was on a platform, surrounded by the void.

* * *

I knelt in the middle of the temple, surrounded by silence and the flicker light of candles. I don’t know how long I sat there, time passes differently there. But eventually, I heard soft footsteps.

“Vyr…”

My shoulders sank, head falling. She took another step towards me.

“Please… don’t….” I breathed.

She stopped.

“I don’t blame you Vyr. For what happened. And I could never hate you.”

Tears started falling down my cheeks.

“You should…”

“Vyr… I know about-”

“The blood bond?” I laughed bitterly, “Oh that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. And I know you and Willow are researching how to break it. Did you stop to think how much he would hurt me because of that?”

“We’re just trying to help. We don’t want to see you in so much pain.”

“MAYBE I DESERVE TO BE IN THIS MUCH PAIN!” I whirled around, the flames from the candles growing tenfold.

“You don’t-”

“You don’t know what I’ve done! You don’t know how many I’ve killed! You don’t know how much _chaos_ I’ve caused!”

She just stood, looking at me pitifully.

“Stop!” I cried, “Don’t look at me like that! Like I’m so innocent. You should be scared of me! You should hate me!”

_This is what you get for reaching out to her. Stupid child. Can’t do anything right can you._

“STOP!!” I clawed at my ears, body shaking, “Get out of my head!”

_She doesn’t love you. Nobody can. You’re a monster. You don’t deserve any love._

My knees gave out as I sobbed, whole body shaking. Eventually, I realized I was lying with my head in her lap, as she pet my hair.

“Shhh…. don’t listen to them.”

“They never stop,” I sobbed, “I just want them to leave me alone.”

“I know… I know…” She pressed a kiss to my forehead, “I can try to help, but you need to let me.”

I tried to stop crying, taking deep, shaky breaths.

“I need to know about what happened. The day you shot me. And I need to know more about the bond between you and Samael.”

“I can try… but I need time…”

“That’s okay.” She smiled,  “We have time.”

* * *

But, when we returned, I fell back into my catatonic state. So much had happened, so much trauma, I couldn’t handle it all. 

Nyx and Willow have been taking care of me while I recover. It’s been so long since I’ve been around people, it’s nice.

I’d write more, but I’m so tired journal. I need to sleep, and maybe feed a bit. After all, I haven’t gotten to with Willow and Nyx in decades.


	21. Adjust

Nyx and Willow continue to research how to break the bond. Nyx often skips coming to bed at night, in favour of research. Me and Willow can alway manage to pull her away though, sneaking up behind her to nuzzle or kiss her. I think we’re all so happy to be together again. Things have changed though.

Nyx, who I’ve always seen as the responsible one, is now a bit more reckless and fragile. I suppose reckless isn’t the word… As I’ve mentioned, she’s been researching quite a lot. She’ll often forget to eat or wash up, too busy with research. I’m not sure I believe there is a way to break the bond, I lost that hope a while ago. But if she and Willow can hold on hope, I’ll try to as well. She also seems to harbor a lot of guilt for what happened- the floods, that is. Often she’ll end up crying, drowning in guilt and self-hate. I’m not sure why she is so burdened by guilt, I- and probably the other’s- would gladly choose fertile islands over dry, unyielding deserts.

Willow seems a bit cheerier, but maybe a bit timid. Gone now from ‘Mothers’ and Samael’s grasp. Yes, I did find out about her- and Eire’s- relationship with Samael. I suppose I should have suspected something, all the clues were there. I don’t blame either of them though, if Samael wanted to use them, they would’ve had no choice but to agree. Anyways, Willow does seem happy. Though I have noticed that her human form seems to be slipping into to something more canine. I do worry- though maybe I’m just paranoid- that this is just the calm before the storm.

I’ve changed as well. My loud, courageous, and flirty attitude gone, replaced with a quiet and skittish nature. They don’t blame me, I’ve been through a lot. Staying with them has helped tremendously. They help remind me to eat, provide generous amounts of affection, and are there to comfort me when it gets tough.

I’ve been wearing soft, loose clothes as I explore the station barefoot. There are so many rooms, I’ve gotten lost a few times. There’s even a room for botania, which I didn’t think was possible underwater. Willow spends a lot of her time in there. I often sit under the tree and watch her work, otherwise I sit by Nyx’s desk. They like having me nearby so they can keep an eye on me. I’m sure they were both upset to find out what I’d been doing without them. They joke about how reckless I am, but I know it really does worry them. The drugs, the alcohol, the cutting, the starvation. I’ve been kept from doing any of that, which I should be glad about. I suppose I was still in the healing vat during the worst of the withdrawal. But that’s not to say I don’t experience the withdrawal.

As a coping strategy, I’ve taken up drawing again. It’s been ages since I’ve gotten to draw. While I watch Nyx and Willow work, I draw them. It’s a relaxing change of pace, to be so safe and peaceful.

But…

Did you honestly think I’d write just a happy piece? About how nice and peaceful everything is now?

I snuck away again. This time going back to where I had set up base. You’d think it would take a while to get there, but as a wolf, it can be done quickly.

I shed my wolfen form as I walked across the compound. It was dark and eerily quiet. I sighed.

“I know you’re here.”

When I turned around, he was there, leaning against a pillar.

“Sick of your girlfriends already, sister? Or are you going for a new record?”

“I’m not sick of them. I just wanted to check on some things.”

“They’ve both been trying so hard to break our bond. It’s a shame she found the little bitch before I could kill her. But don’t worry, I’ll keep trying.” He smirked.

“You know how to break the bond.”

“So do you.”

“Not _that_ way.” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“There are only two ways I know sister. If you want neither, that’s your problem.”

“Maybe that’s because you only know violence.”

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t enjoy the violence.” He chuckled, “I’ve seen the way you giggle at bloodshed.”

“I’ve changed. Anyone can attest to that.”

He was suddenly in front of me, looking down at me with a smile.

“We both know that isn’t true.”

Grabbing my hair, he pulled my head to the side, exposing my neck. He tutted, looking at the scar left by the bite.

“My my, more a mutt than ever it seems. Father would be disappointed. Though maybe he’ll understand, since half bred sluts are always fucking up.”

“I’m sure he understand fuck ups, he deal with you, after all.”

I braced myself.

His hand grabbed my neck, nails digging into flesh as he lifted me off the ground. My lungs burned, unable to gasp for breath. I clawed weakly at his hand.

“ _I could kill you right now._ ”

I locked eyes with him, and let my arms fall to my side.

“Then do it.” I rasped.

He clenched his jaw, tightening his grip on my throat. I faced death head on, unafraid of what it would bring. My vision began to darken, but then-

He released his grip, letting my body fall to the floor. I looked up at him blankly.

“I can’t kill you yet…” he knelt over me, “Especially not before I make you pay for what your girlfriends have been doing.”

I sighed. Closing my eyes.

* * *

When I returned back to the station, it was quiet. I tiptoed into Willow’s room. She and Nyx were curled up in the bed. I smiled softly. Pulling my shirt off, I padded over to the bed, slipping under the covers.

I wrapped my arms around Nyx, pressing kisses to the back of her neck. She stirred slightly.

“Where were you?” she inquired, voice thick with sleep.

“It’s not important.” I murmured, voice still raw.

She turned around to face me, I avoided her eyes. Gingerly, she touched the bruises on my neck.

“What happened?”

“That’s not important either…” I lied.

She was about to ask something else, but I leaned in and kissed her. Pulling away, she looked back at me.

“Vyr, please. We’re worried about you.”

Nuzzling into her neck, I mumbled, “I know… I know… not now please. I just- I need a distraction.”

“Okay…” She nodded, and nudged Willow.

Willow perked up sleepily, looking over at us. When she saw Nyx kissing my neck, she grinned. With a bit of arranging, I ended up between them, kissing Willow as Nyx continued to lavish attention on my neck.

My mind was pleasantly blank as their energy buzzed through my veins. I clung to them tightly, as if I might loose them. But with the way things are going, I know it’s only a matter of time.


	22. Deal

“My my, sister, and I thought you had already hit rock bottom. It seems not.” I could hear the smirk in voice as he taunted me.

“Shut up.” I growled, pulling my face away from my knees. Unwrapping my arms from my legs, I wiped the blood from my mouth with my sleeve. I didn’t want to let him see me cry, but when I looked over to him, my vision was blurred with tears.

Taking a deep breath, I stood up shakily. I leaned heavily against the wall, head spinning. I stumbled past Samael, falling to my knees and emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My throat burned, foul taste overwhelming my tastebuds. After a few minutes, I finally stood up again. I walked to the sink, splashing cool water on my face, hands shaking. The water that went down the drain was dark, clouded with blood.

“I told you there would be consequences if you keep going on this path.” Samael sighed.

“Careful, someone might almost think you care.” I snapped, regaining my composure and washing the blood from under my nails.

“I’m starting to think you _want_ to die. Do you know how many years you’ve taken off your life by hiding your corrupted form?”

“I thought you wanted me to die? Don’t tell me you actually care about me.”

“You’re reckless, stupid, you don’t care anymore.”

“And? Why do you care?”

I refused to let on how much I actually cared. I did care. But it’s always easier to pretend that it doesn’t bother me.

“I don’t, I just want to know if you realize how this path ends.”

I flicked my eyes up, looking in the mirror. There were still blood and bits of gore staining my skin. I ran my tongue gingerly over my teeth, hissing. They had changed from blunt teeth, to razor sharp fangs- even despite the glamour I wore. Samael was behind me, as I looked at him, I thought I saw actual emotion flicker over his face. A split second where his smirk turned into a frown, his brows knitting in worry. It happened so quickly, his face back to it’s smug indifference in a second. I’m not sure if I just imagined it.

“Are there any side effects of forsaking my mortality that you’ve failed to mention? Affecting my mixed bloo-” I cut myself off, “Nevermind.”

“The side effects are for you to find out. You are forsaking your mortal blood on dozens of different fronts. You have to figure out how they all affect you on your own.”

“I’m not forsaking my mortal blood in that many way-”

“First letting your morals slip a bit, then letting your mortal form slip a bit. Then forsaking nearly all your mortal blood. Then becoming a lycanthrope. Now…” He looked at the blood running down my chin, “My my, sister.”

I wet a cloth, then turned back to face Samael. Sitting on the edge of the sink, I started to clean my face. I couldn’t avoid the subject anymore.

“What do you know,” I paused, wiping my mouth, “about Wendigos?”

He chuckled, smirking at me knowingly.

“Oh, I know plenty about them. If you wanted, I could find one for you to talk with.”

“I don’t exactly want to end up at the business end of one.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, she’s surprisingly gentle. She doesn’t bite.” He smirked, “If you don’t want her too.”

I rolled my eyes, putting the cloth down, leaning back.

“I swear to gods I-” I cut of, hand coming up to feel my mouth. Something felt off.

Tracing over my lips, my heart stopped. As my finger brushed past my lips, I could feel ragged, torn skin. Flesh ripped and stretching; fangs, ligaments, muscles, and jaw exposed. I hissed as my fingers probed the flesh, raw nerves screaming in pain. I glanced over to Samael, my eyes full of fear and worry. He looked away for a moment, eyes closing, looking pained.

When he turned back- the whites of his eyes of his eyes melting away- he laughed.

“That does happen, though it could be worse.”

I sighed, resting my face on my hand, eyes lidded.

“How much?”

“Do be more specific, sister.”

“How much will it cost to hide this?” I muttered exasperatedly, opening my eyes.

Samael grinned, walking over to me. Grabbing a fist full of my hair, he pulled my head back, inspecting the tear. He trailed his finger along the raw flesh, the skin was ripped enough to show the back of my jawbone. He tutted, still smirking.

“You’ve already considerably shortened your life. This will continue to take decades and decades off your life, the longer you hide it.”

“I know that Samael,” I snapped, “Just get on with it.”

“You won’t be paying me for this one. A friend of mine can help you hide it this time. You know how to pay her.”

“Oh, who should I make the payment out to?” I growled bitterly.

“I’ve already mentioned her, sister.”

I cursed under my breath.

“The wendigo?”

“I’m sure you’ll find her company enjoyable.”

My eyes closed as realization settled in, shoulders falling.

“You’re asking me,” I snarled, “to be _infidelious_?”

“When has it stopped you before?”

“I have neve-”

He traced the scar from the bite on my neck.

“To remind me how you got this? If you’ve never been infidelious?”

“That was on-”

“Why were you asking about the effects of forsaking your mortality? Hm? Interesting that you asked if it affected you mixed blood status. We both know that one of the characteristics of your mixed blood is infertility.”

“You don’t know-”

“What you were asking about? Oh, you underestimate me, sister. Now _why_ would _you_ worry about fertility if your wife and girlfriend are female? Hm?”

“Shut up. You don’t know.”

“You may be able to convince your little girlfriends that you’ve never had an affair, but I do know better. You’re a half-bred slut that can’t keep her legs closed. If you don’t want to say anything, I could always do it for you.”

I refused to look into his eyes, I refused to admit the truth; I stayed silent, quietly resigning. I forced my muscles to relax.

“I knew you’d come around.”

“What do I need to do?” I breathed, just wanting to get it over with.

He let go of my hair, stepping back, grinning.

“I’ll give you directions to where you can find her. She’ll negotiate most of the details with you, just know it will take quite a few payments.”

With a smirk, he turns around opening a portal with the flick of a wrist.

“I hate you…” I mutter under my breath.

“Oh,” He looks over his shoulder, one foot in the portal, “One more thing.”

“Yes?”

“You’ll have to learn to be more submissive,” He cautioned, stepping through the portal, “Mistress Elysia isn’t one to let others dominate.”

In a blink he was gone, leaving me sitting alone on the sink. Leaning back, I rest my head against the mirror, screwing my eyes shut.

“ _Fuck_ …”


	23. False Elysium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Elysia

The villagers thought nothing of it, when I asked for shelter in their village. They were enticed by my charm and warmth, entranced by my accent and odd colourings. I taught them how to make salves from the herbs in the area, and how to coax their crops to grow during even the harshest season. Soon, I had my own cottage, and the entire village looked to me for leadership.

“Master Elysia?”

I looked over my shoulder from the counter, where I was bundling sage. One of the villagers, Artemis, was standing in the doorway. I had taken her as my apprentice a few months back.

“Yes, Ari?” I smiled.

Her cheeks tinted pink as she looked down. I liked teasing her like that. She had always struggled to hide her feelings towards me, and she was still oblivious to the fact that I know how she feels. It was too fun to see her get flustered.

“Um… one of our own has gone missing…”

“How long have they been missing?”

“They left to deliver a message to a nearby village, that was 4 days ago.”

Sighing, I turned around. “I’ll go to the village, see if anyone saw him. Do tell Jasper’s mother not to fret too much.”

Walking into my room, I grabbed my satchel, and threw on a cloak. On my way out, I smiled at Artemis. After I closed the door, I heard her whisper.

“I never said who it was…”

* * *

 

The neighboring village was silent and dark. Not a single candle lit, no sign of anyone. Walking into one of the houses, I tutted at the bloodstains on the floor. Papers were scattered on the floor, shattered glass reflecting light from my lamp.

Looking closely at the bloodstains, I saw some were still glistening- fresh

“Hello?” I called softly.

I heard a small whimper.

Following the trail of blood, I peered behind the counter. Sitting in the corner, a figure was curled up, broken and bleeding. It was a child. Glass crunched underfoot as I walked around the counter and crouched next to them.

Gently, I pulled their hands away from their face. Their face was soaked with tears, they cried as they looked at me.

“Shhhh….. Shhhh…. it’s okay…”

They tried to pull their hands from my grip, I held their wrists tightly. I smiled at them.

“You’ll be a nice one… everyone likes children.”

They struggled against me as I picked them up, carrying them out of the house. I placed them on my horse. They started to slide out of the saddle.

“I wouldn’t if I were you. I don’t want to have to tie you down.”

They whimpered again, and stayed still.

“Good. I’ll be right back.”

Walking back into the village, I pulled a flask out of my satchel. Uncapping it, I slowly poured the contents in a trail around the center houses. When it emptied, I put it back in my bag. With the flick of a wrist, flames erupted from my hand. Leaning down, I used them to light the trail.

The trail suddenly was engulfed in flames, I hissed as the high flames licked at my clothes. I stayed where I was for a few minutes, watching the flames eat away at the houses in the village, and letting them burn my flesh and clothes. Once I was satisfied, I turned and walked back to my horse. 

The child shook as we rode, occasional whimpers audible. Their eyes were screwed shut, as to avoid seeing the burns on my skin. 

A few minutes outside of the village, I hopped off the horse, pulling the child off as well. Kneeling in front of them, I looked into their eyes. They instinctively closed their own eyes.

“Look at me.” I demanded. Slowly they opened their eyes.

“When we get back to my village you are not to tell of what you think happened. You will tell them that there was a fire, and I rescued you from the flames. Everyone else in the village perished in the fire. You never saw Jasper. You are glad that I saved you.”

The child’s eyes slowly unfocused, no longer staring back into my eyes, but staring beyond. 

“There was a fire. You saved me. Everyone else died. I never saw anyone named Jasper.” They repeated in a monotone voice.

“Good.” I ruffled their hair, and took their hand, walking back into the village. 

  
As we walked, I pulled some of the fresh meat from my bag, inspecting it. I tutted at the tattooed skin. Jasper has always took pride in his tattoos. It’s a shame really, ruining his skin like that. The skin was always the best part.


End file.
